Today is my mom's birthday. February 7, 1941...she would have been 71. I can't picture my mom being 71.
Her name was (or should I say is?) Christine...but everyone called her "Chris" -- I really miss her more and more every year. She's been gone since 2003, and of course, life goes on and time waits for no one. Shortly after she died I had a dream where she came to me, and I immediately recognized her, although she was a younger version of who she was when she passed. We embraced and then sat down on a park bench to talk when I noticed her skin looked so loose, like it was just something she'd put on. I asked her why her skin was so loose and she replied, "I just put this on so you'd know me...so we could say goodbye." She went on about the skin, "I don't need this anymore...I'm free from the weight of it all. I'm ok."
Of course I don't know how much of that dream came from my own head or an actual post-life visit from my mom, but it was beautiful, and I hold onto it...I cherish it.
She seemed finally, for the first time in her life, to not be lost.
My mom was what I refer to as a delicate person. She had delicate hands, delicate features with soft grey/blue eyes and light brown/blond hair. I always used to look at her and wish I'd inherited her soft beauty and fair coloring. She was pretty, and when she smiled, she was beautiful. My mom had a soft, ladylike way about her...the down side of being delicate (like the daffodils and yellow roses she loved so much) is that they're easily crushed and wilted...people see their beauty and want it...so they pick the flower but the flower can only live so long without being in the ground. I don't think my mom ever felt grounded. She was lost. She never seemed to know where it was she was supposed to be...where she fit in...where she could finally be safe and loved...cherished.
I won't go into the tragic way my mom left this world...suffice to say it was too soon, with too much left unsaid and undone. Regardless, I truly believe now she is at peace, and has found her place in this universe. Every now and then she'll peek into my dreams and smile at me. I want to hold onto her, but she always slips away in the blink of an eye.
I hope the angels sing you a beautiful "Happy Birthday" song today. I will be thinking of you, and sending my love to you. Happy Birthday, Mom!! ♥ I love you!
My Mom on left of photo and my Grandma wearing a balloon hat!
***About a year and a half ago I wrote this blog post about my mom: Christine Frances -- check it out if you feel to and have the time.
