One of those days...

People often ask me what my secret is. They want to know how I continue smiling and being upbeat and positive, full of hope, when so much has gone wrong in my life. Most days I'm just so thankful to be here, experiencing this beautifully amazing ride we call life, that I can barely contain myself from gushing all the ways I find joy and enthusiasm for living.

Then there are days like today; days that challenge me to put my money where my mouth is.

As many of you know, after spending the last 23 years in a wheelchair in amazingly good health considering all that could have gone wrong, I was t-boned (for lack of a better term) on March 15th while driving home from the gym, by a woman who ran a red light.
This shook my resolve, but thankfully, only briefly, then I was back on course and setting my sights on the light at the end of that dark tunnel.

Today's challenge began with a letter from my attorney, stating that despite many attempts to rework the numbers, there just will not be enough money to cover my bills, much less leave me anything for my pain and suffering.

I was sitting there reading this, trying to find a way to wrap my brain around the fact that a woman was texting on her phone, ran a red light, almost killed me, caused me to have to undergo blood transfusions, surgery, and months of recovery, to end up with a leg that, although thankfully healed, will never be the same, and in the doctors own words, will cause pain the rest of my life. I'm trying to digest the 'hows' and 'whys' -- It thought I did all the right things.

I had/have full coverage auto insurance with extra coverage for underinsured motorists, which she was.
I have health insurance, albeit, nothing fancy, but something nonetheless.
There were about 10 witnesses to the accident, so there's no dispute as to what happened.

Why am I still getting shafted? What's wrong with the system in this country? Why is this woman not in jail?

You see...I could really get caught up in this never-ending cycle of questions, and rage at the injustice of it all, but to what end?

***deep breath***

Know what? In the grand scheme, does any of this matter? Not really. I've been on a tight budget my entire life, so I'll make it. Most importantly, my son still has his mom, my husband still has his wife, and my sister still has her best friend forever. God brought me through another trial, and kept the flame in my heart alive. I have to believe that there's a reason for all that happens, and that I'm meant to bring hope to people through my story. When I step back and look at the big picture...

Surviving childhood sexual abuse, abandonment, drug addiction, suicide attempt, spinal cord injury...I mean really...I was able to overcome all of these things so in comparison this is nothing more than a tiny wrinkle on the map of my life.

I'll be ok. :)