Fake It Til You Make It

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2012-02-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

Today is my mom's birthday. February 7, 1941...she would have been 71. I can't picture my mom being 71.

Her name was (or should I say is?) Christine...but everyone called her "Chris" -- I really miss her more and more every year. She's been gone since 2003, and of course, life goes on and time waits for no one. Shortly after she died I had a dream where she came to me, and I immediately recognized her, although she was a younger version of who she was when she passed. We embraced and then sat down on a park bench to talk when I noticed her skin looked so loose, like it was just something she'd put on. I asked her why her skin was so loose and she replied, "I just put this on so you'd know me...so we could say goodbye." She went on about the skin, "I don't need this anymore...I'm free from the weight of it all. I'm ok."

Of course I don't know how much of that dream came from my own head or an actual post-life visit from my mom, but it was beautiful, and I hold onto it...I cherish it.
She seemed finally, for the first time in her life, to not be lost.

My mom was what I refer to as a delicate person. She had delicate hands, delicate features with soft grey/blue eyes and light brown/blond hair. I always used to look at her and wish I'd inherited her soft beauty and fair coloring. She was pretty, and when she smiled, she was beautiful. My mom had a soft, ladylike way about her...the down side of being delicate (like the daffodils and yellow roses she loved so much) is that they're easily crushed and wilted...people see their beauty and want it...so they pick the flower but the flower can only live so long without being in the ground. I don't think my mom ever felt grounded. She was lost. She never seemed to know where it was she was supposed to be...where she fit in...where she could finally be safe and loved...cherished.

I won't go into the tragic way my mom left this world...suffice to say it was too soon, with too much left unsaid and undone. Regardless, I truly believe now she is at peace, and has found her place in this universe. Every now and then she'll peek into my dreams and smile at me. I want to hold onto her, but she always slips away in the blink of an eye.
I hope the angels sing you a beautiful "Happy Birthday" song today. I will be thinking of you, and sending my love to you. Happy Birthday, Mom!! ♥ I love you!

My Mom on left of photo and my Grandma wearing a balloon hat!

***About a year and a half ago I wrote this blog post about my mom: Christine Frances -- check it out if you feel to and have the time.

Beauty Hiding in the Mundane...

2011-09-10T14:45:00.001-07:00

Johann Pachelbel's "Canon in D"

By the time we're 25 years old, we've heard it at so many weddings it's tempting to think we never want to hear that particular piece of music again, but maybe you'll see (and hear) it from a new perspective after reading my little ramble.

I grew up in a blue collar neighborhood, hearing my Dad listening to mostly country music. I remember being in the Elks lodge around the summer of my 10th year, the parents would all be in the bar partying it up and those who weren't fortunate enough to find babysitters corralled us into a spare party room that had a jukebox. They'd stuff our pockets full of coins and tell us to behave, so we'd play dare games, sneak to smoke cigarettes we'd swiped from our folks, and dance around to the jukebox music. In a years time, I probably spent $50 of my Dad's whiskey sour money on 1 song -- Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons "December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night)"

Listening to that song and others like it was so refreshing from the country music I heard at home all the time. Especially once my mom had run off, my Dad seemed to wallow more and more in some of those depressing country music lyrics -- which, ironically, just like a country song, my Mom really did run off with my Dad's best friend, and eventually the man who had, at one time, been named my Godfather, became my Stepfather...and to make it worse, then became the "maybe he's actually the biological father" which to this day, we don't know. My Dad and I joke about doing a DNA test one day, but it's better keeping it this way. My Stepfather has long since passed away, as has my Mom. It would break my heart to find out I belong to no one.

Back to music...it became an escape for me from my 10 year old summer on. Mostly rock, funk, old school hip hop and R&B. I was the DJ for our 6th grade school radio station and my favorite record to spin was the Sugar Hill Gang "Rapper's Delight." I can still recite that song from front to back, verbatim. I went to my first real concert at the age of 12, with my sister who's 8 years older, to see Styx at what used to be the Capital Centre Arena in the Washington, DC area. It was AWESOME! I couldn't count how many concerts I've been to since...even got to go backstage at a Rod Stewart concert, a ZZ Top concert, and an Aerosmith concert. Oh my...the things I saw... but that's a whole different story!

Then when I was 19 I bought my first really nice component stereo, and sat for hours listening to all the intricacies I could hear in different songs with better equipment, and one day my sister came over and had a cassette from her new boyfriend. It was full of classical music, since he was trying to get her interested in the finer things in life. We put it on, and the first song was Pachebel's Canon in D. I turned it up loud, then laid back on my couch, and almost instantly was completely lost in the beauty of the music. I'd always been touched by music, moved by music, but never completely carried away, feeling the music deep inside of me, caressing my very soul, all while somehow feeling connected to and wondering what the person was thinking when he was creating it...
Did you know that when "Canon in D" was a new piece, introduced by Johann Pachelbel, it was not popular at all? As a matter of fact, though it's now his most famous piece, like most other works by Pachelbel and other pre-1700 composers, the Canon remained forgotten for centuries and was rediscovered only in the 20th century. Then several decades after it was first re-published in 1919, the piece became extremely popular, and today it is frequently played at weddings and included on classical music compilations, along with other famous Baroque pieces such as Air on the G String by Johann Sebastian Bach.
The circumstances of the piece's composition are wholly unknown. One writer hypothesized that the Canon may have been composed for Johann Christoph Bach's wedding, on October 23, 1694, which Pachelbel attended.
Whatever the case, maybe Pachelbel was just really ahead of his time.

The song that you hear at 90% of weddings still, to this day, moves me, because it was my first love in the world of classical music, and as we all know, we never forget our first love.

When I was 23 and pregnant with my son, I put headphones with classical music on my tummy every day -- and now he's 20, and still a fan. It used to surprise people when he was barely 4 and would tell them how much he loved Vivaldi! Hahaha! He would ask me to put on Vivaldi's "Four Seasons", and then he'd tell me his favorite piece was "Spring" in his little voice as he danced around the living room.
He went on to play the violin and become an artist...I think beautiful music inspires us to want to create even more beauty.

So I challenge you to listen to Pachelbel's Canon in D with fresh ears and an open heart...I mean *really* listen, from the first note to the last, and let if flow through you. I bet you'll appreciate it in a whole new way rather than just filing it away as "The Wedding Song."

This is one of my favorite versions:
Canon in D

It's ALL About Perspective!

2011-08-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

Life is so weird.

I was talking to my husband the other night, trying to explain to him why there were so many searches for "Lifestyle Lift" and other "facial rejuvenation" procedures on my computer. It went a little something like this:

Him: "Why the heck are you looking at that crap?"
Me: "Duh! Look at me! I'm getting O-L-D!"
Him: "Why do you say such things? You look great to me!"
Me: "It's weird, I remember back when I was in my early 20's and my mom had these thingies, like really skinny elastic strips with squares of surgical tape at each end. She would tape one end behind her ear, stretch the elastic around behind her head, hiding it under her hair, and then tape the other end behind her other ear, creating an instant "face lift" -- and I thought she was absolutely insane, and I told her so! Now I just wish I could remember where she got the darn things!"

See? It's all about perspective.

I'm not really that shallow, vapid, or stupid of a person, I realize that being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect -- it just means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.
And I remind myself often of the words from the great Norman Vincent Peale, "The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have."

Still...I'll be bee-boppin' through a day, feeling pretty good about myself and suddenly catch a glimpse in a big window or a mirror and think to myself, "Aw...that lady would be almost cute if she didn't have such a poochy tummy and she were young like me!" Then it hits me... Oh_ My_ Goodness! That's ME!
This is usually followed by a small anxiety attack and then taking half an hour or so assuring myself that the mirror or window is surely defective or probably being recycled from a funhouse.

*sigh* My 90 year old grandmother thinks I'm beautiful and young, though...see? Perspective...

Last night I was at the gym with my husband and my son. My son is one of the sweetest kids ever...really. I mean, of course a mom is going to say that about her son, but I have people from his work that approach me quite often to tell me how sweet he is, and his managers have told him it's rare they get phone calls about employees that aren't negative, but a little old lady recently called in with praise about him and how helpful he is.
Well, as I watched my son lifting weights last night, I had sadness in my heart because just the other day his facebook status was about his loneliness. He was recently dumped by his first love, and he's incredibly shy so it's difficult for him to make new friends.
Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the regular weight room guys, but this time he was guiding a young teenage boy over to a chair at the smoothie bar. As he walked him to the seat, the boy never looked anywhere but the floor. He sat him down, and went to work out...and then I saw that the young man appeared to be locked in his own world, probably autistic... it gave me a whole new perspective on my worries of my own son.

I'm thankful for all of these daily little reminders to put things in perspective. It's so easy to get sucked into our own little world of insecurities, problems, and frustrations...but often simply taking a step back to reevaluate things can give us a fresh new sense of hope.

For now, I've promised my hubby I won't get anything on my body or face lifted, plumped, siphoned, injected, or touched up...not that we have that sort of disposable income anyway - haha! Besides, as the incredible Kahlil Gibran said, "Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart."

I plan to keep that light turned on until the day the Lord turns it off.

Prolific No More...?

2011-05-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

I feel like such a bad blogger...like someone should call Blog Protective Services on me and report me as a neglectful blog mom!
Before you shake a finger at me for leaving my blog in the proverbial hot car with the windows rolled up, give me a chance to explain!
It's a busy time of year here in North Myrtle Beach, SC, and our family is supported by the tourism industry, which is in full swing right now, so we're being good little squirrels and ferrying away our nuts while we can.

Anyway, I figured I could keep my blog relatively current without really having to work my already weary brain by telling you a little story:

Back in early 1991, I'd been married about a year and had no plans of having children anytime soon. I was about to turn 23 and thought I had plenty of time; besides, I was still so new to being a person with a disability, I didn't think it would be wise to try to take on one more challenge so soon into it. But then I woke up in the morning and tossed my cookies, 5 days in a row. Uh oh...looks like wheelchairs aren't effective birth control after all!
I took one of those EPT tests, which back in 1991 were still similar to performing some sort of miraculous science experiment involving a beaker and a petri dish. The results said, "You're preggo, girly!" I was petrified and calmed myself with the thought that I'd never been good in science, so surely I'd screwed up the test. I made an appointment with my family doctor, a sober man named, Dr. Syed Sadiq. He also seemed surprised at the possibility that the wheelchair hadn't been effective birth control, but gave me a blood test anyway and said he'd call me with the results. He called the next day and sounded like Harold Camping probably sounds right about now, (like it's the end of the world, but not really.) He said, "Mee-shell, you are pleg-nant." Seriously, he sounded so upset over the results that before I knew it, I heard myself consoling him on the phone; "It's ok, Dr. Sadiq. I'll figure this all out and make it work." Inside though, I was in full panic mode! I called my husband at work and told him what he'd done to me.
I realize what a blessing it is to conceive, but back then to google something meant to haul your cookies to the library and start flipping through the card catalog in order to find an outdated book with, if you were lucky, a sentence or two on the subject you were researching. I found absolutely nothing on pregnant paraplegics, but I realized it was time to put on my big girl panties and just deal with this.
I put my fears aside and decided that I'd, with Gods help, just take it one day at a time and pray He kept this growing baby and me safe in the palm of His hand.
I was sure it was a girl, so my husband and I began referring to the baby as "Kayla" -- yes, son...if you're reading this blog post, your dad and I really did call you "Kayla" in utero for 5 months until an ultrasound turned you into "Nathan."
Aaaannnnyway, that ultrasound not only told us we were having a boy, but also that I had something called "placenta previa" (about now you're probably thinking to yourself, 'hmmm, maybe Michele is a hypochondriac') Yeah, I'd think it too...but I can assure you I'm not a hypochondriac, I just have really crappy luck sometimes.
Long story a little less long, I ended up having my son at 31 weeks because of the placenta previa. He was this grumpy looking little 3 pound baby with eyes/expressions that from the word go were shouting "Hey, I've got a lot going on in this mind!" For such a little guy, I was so thankful to the Lord that his first APGAR score was 8, which is pretty good even for a full-term baby. They let me see him for a minute, and he looked at me with his little brow so furrowed...a German nurse in the delivery room said in her thick accent, "Look at zat brow! All ze worries of ze world!" He's still like that a lot!
In 1st grade, his PE teachers mom passed away and he explained to his class that he'd be away for a week or so because of it. My son made a card for him with the rest of the class but instead of the typical 1st grader remarks, he wrote (yes, he could read and write in 1st grade and even earlier) "Sorry about your mom, did she's have a hard attack or did she's brain get weird?" Then he kept asking me when his teacher would write back to let him know what had happened to her.
Back to the birth, etc... he was whisked away to the NICU, but pronounced healthy and basically it was a matter of wait until he's 4.5 pounds, see if he latches onto the breast, then he can go home...and that's pretty much how it went to the letter.
Here he is on that day, August 3, 1991 (no comments about my mega-eyebrows, please...but feel free to make fun of me for looking absolutely out of it on whatever pain medication they'd pumped me full of! Hahaha!)

Here he is a little more smiley and a lot more hairy!

This summer my little preemie turns 20. He's an awesome kid (man) and I love him beyond measure!
Thank God for my "uh oh" blessing. I was also an unplanned child, and I once asked my mom if I was a mistake. Her reply never left me. She said, "No peanut, you were a surprise, and everyone loves surprises!"

Storytime, Y'all

2011-05-09T19:09:00.000-07:00

So I was outside shooting the breeze with my favorite neighbor today, and she proceeded to tell me this story that I'm about to share with you:

"Tim called, and you know he just purchased his first house and he's just clueless...well, he was having a sewer problem, so I told him I'd be right over. I got there and told him to follow me down into the crawlspace, which is about "this much space" (she shows me with her hands that the space they're crawling through is about a foot and a half high) but I'm making him follow me so he'll see how to troubleshoot these sorts of problems in the future. I get down there and see the line running straight and flat until a small area where the ground underneath has sunken down, so the pipe was curving down as well, letting things accumulate and slow down the works. I had Tim go and grab some boards so I could level up the ground and get that pipe to where it was laying straight again. That fixed the problem. When I came back home, Curtis (her husband) said, "What if you'd run into a snake down there?!" I laughed, because I didn't even stop to think about snakes! I just knew my boy needed my help."

Not a very exciting story, huh? Hahaha! :) BUT...what makes it awesome to me is that "Tim" is the 40 year old youngest son of my 78 year old neighbor who was telling me this story. Her name is Mildred and she can usually be found gardening, or up on a ladder cleaning her gutters...she's such an inspiration to me. She proves that age is just a number.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were? ~Satchel Paige

It never fails...

2011-05-06T20:38:00.000-07:00

Wednesday I had a laser procedure done on my right eye to correct a problem called "narrow angle" -- nothing visible, it's all on the inside and has something to do with the way the fluid in our eyes circulates, etc... anyway, so Thursday, I cleared my schedule and decided to take it easy while my eye healed up.
I rarely skip a day of bathing...I'm kind of a clean freak and I feel yucky and sluggish if I don't take a daily morning shower, but "just this once" I said to myself, "self...one day without a shower won't kill ya!" This meant I also did not do anything to my hair except a messy bun, and did not put on any makeup --not that I wear a lot anyway, but I do always do a little to enhance what God gave me. ;)
Not Thursday, though...and on top of it all, the closest I came to "getting dressed" was throwing on a pair of yoga pants and one of my hubby's big, roomy tee-shirts, and a pair of Sanuks. Not a pretty picture. LOL No biggie...I was staying home, relaxing, healing.
But Louie, my littlest dog, has to be taken out for potty on his own because he barks too much when we let him out to run with the big dogs in the back yard. So I leashed him up, and went out the side door into the carport, and as I was heading over to the grass to let him tinkle, here comes my neighbor WITH THE NEW NEIGHBORS to introduce them to me...while here I was looking like a homeless, bedraggled bag lady! Hahahahaha!
Sure enough, I could find no hole to crawl into and hide...so I smiled and did my best to pretend I looked like a million bucks, and welcomed them to the neighborhood.
Murphy's Law I guess? Hahaha!

Me...Through the years!

2011-04-26T18:40:00.000-07:00

Junior High, as a cheerleader:

Me, right after I left rehab after becoming a paraplegic, 19 years old:

In my backyard in Maryland when my son was a toddler...he took this pic! LOL

About age 25, laying in a tanning bed like a dork! LOL

Growing the short hair out, but still bleaching it to within an inch of its life!

Hair growing out AND color growing out! Almost back to natural! Also, this is when Nate was about 13, and I look more like his sister here, than his mom! LOL

Me on a side by side comparison...worrying about getting old! LOL

A pic I sent my sister in DC when it was a really cold day in South Carolina...I cannot believe I'm sharing this zombie faced pic! Hahaha!

Me in 2008, when I decided I was tired of being fat, so I started hitting the gym! One of the best decisions I've ever made.

One of my favorite pics because it reminds me of how happy I am after a hard workout...all sweaty & gross but loaded with endorphins!

Me with a great friend, Julie at an MMA fight:

Me & My sister, Diane:

Me last Halloween, as a bunny rabbit (NO, NOT that kind of "bunny" - fully clothed in a pink tee and jeans!)

Most recent...Taking one of those dorky, "hold the camera at arms length" pics! Haha!

Just a thought...

2011-04-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

We all have crosses to carry in this lifetime...some are more visible than others...most of them are heavier than we let on...
While I was feeling myself bending under the weight of things recently, I realized that the Lord has already done this whole 'cross carrying' thing, so who better to ask for help with lightening my load, than the One who's already experienced, and overcome it?

Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light.

~Matthew 11: 28-30 KJV

Random & Nonsensical Favorites

2011-04-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

Drink: Diet Coke (I know, it's bad for me...but at least I was honest! LOL)

Appetizer: Stuffed Mushrooms, or Hummus

Web browser: Firefox!

Mascara: Maybelline Lash Discovery Waterproof

Book: The Bible (for overall favorite) and probably The "Count of Monte Cristo", or "To Kill a Mockingbird" for a classic, then for more modern writing, I'd say "A Confederacy of Dunces" -- this is always difficult for me because I'm a voracious reader...so how can I pick just a few?

Favorite old movie: "Brigadoon"...followed by "Singing in the Rain"...I was in love with Gene Kelly as a young girl. ♥

City attraction: Like, in my own city I guess...the beach...the water.

Cheese: White cheddar, and seriously, cheese should not be cold -- but room temp to truly enjoy it. :)

80s movie: Princess Bride -- hands down!!

Time waster: Sitting on the beach just "chill-laxing" '

Moment of the day: When my hubby gives me one-on-one undivided attention time. :)

Solution to depression: More gym.

Family member: It's a tie between my son and my hubby, followed closely by my sissy!!

Emergency meal: When I'm super tired and not in the mood for much chaos in the kitchen, bacon and eggs.

Favorite restaurant: Anywhere with good buffalo wings...nothing fancy.

Hoodie: It's pink...nothing special, but super comfy.

Bottled water: Water is water as long as it's clean (but I have tasted some well water that made me gag.)

Chore: Laundry...crazy, huh? LOL But I like making sure it's all washed, folded, and put away...and I love pulling down a fresh towel and smelling that fresh, clean smell.

You've Got Pen On Your Face...

2011-04-08T18:37:00.000-07:00

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that, I'd have enough for my new wheelchair right now! Hahahaha! :)
I have a scar that looks like a pen mark right by my nasolabial fold (those parenthesis lines around your mouth) -- it happened in the accident back in 1987. My face got well acquainted with the road and then a briar patch and ended up with lots of cuts, a few of which created some weird scars that look like ink marks. The doctor said it was where teeny tiny bits of gravel got into the cuts and became imbedded there. They said I could get dermabrasion and be left with a reddish scar, or just live with the faint blue lines. I chose the blue lines.

I also have one across the bridge of my nose and one on my right eyelid, but the one by my mouth is the most prominent, and the one people often point to and inform me that I have pen on my face. LOL
The funniest thing to me is when someone I've known for a long time says it. I ask them if they're just noticing it or if they think I just haven't washed my face since we've met! :)
It's been a source of many laughs...especially when the occasional well-meaning elderly lady reaches out with a licked finger to wipe it off!! Ack! Seriously, this happens!! It's cute, but I'm a total germaphobe!

Funny, but I really don't usually notice my scars until someone asks about one of them. The worst ones are my left knee, right femur, and my back...but to be honest, I lost count of how many there are in total.
Anyway, with all the scars my body has, I've really come to love this saying:
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and proclaiming. "Wow, what a ride!"

I couldn't agree more!

I'm in LOVE with Chuck!

2011-04-07T15:43:00.000-07:00

Chuck Taylor, that is! ♥

I've had this love affair going on since I was a teenager of 13 and got my first pair of white high top Converse Chuck Taylor sneakers, then proceeded to write all over them with markers, making them truly my own.
Over the years Chuck has never left my side...he's always in my closet, although now that I'm older and a little more conservative, I prefer he keep a lower profile, so I stick with low-rise. ;)
Back when I was 13 and donning my first pair so proudly, I never thought I'd still be wearing Converse at the ripe old age of 43, but here I am...my favorites are my light pink ones,

but I have the standard white, and my feet have proudly worn so many colors and patterns of Converse over the years, from purple, to plaid, and all things in between.
Believe it or not, they can be a great conversation starter! Haha! Seriously I couldn't tell you how many times someone has said, "I love your shoes!" and we get to chatting... maybe people don't expect to see a 40-something paraplegic donning bright chucks...but I do, not always, but LOTS. :)

Oops - I've rambled so much I almost forgot the reason I decided to blog about this in the first place...I'm helping my son pick out his tux to wear to his girlfriends senior prom, and I told him I thought it would be awesome if he wore some high top Chuck Taylors with his tux, and I directed him to the Converse website which has an ENTIRE PROM COLLECTION! Is that not the most cool thing ever?!
Anyway, I've fawned enough over my guy Chuck...don't want to get my hubby jealous!

I Broke the Law for Love!

2011-04-04T18:43:00.000-07:00

Back in 1997 I met the greatest guy in the world, and then on April 10, 2001 I married him...which is funny because I was technically still married to my first husband. Yes, that's right, I was a bigamist...but I was a bigamist unawares! Seriously! OK your Honor, here's how it all happened:

When I was 29, my dear love and I met, and fell in love pretty much from the word 'go', but I had married at the age of 22, and although we'd separated a year earlier, we had not yet gone forward with the divorce for different reasons. I couldn't afford the expenses involved and he was not willing to officially end it. So there we were, living apart, but still married. This 'limbo' was set on the back burner as we both pursued new lives, and my (now) husband (whom I'll refer to from here on as "Doug" because that's his name) pretty much made it known to me that he wanted to be married.
FINALLY at the age of 33, I was tired of wasting time, and I found the right lawyer at the right price who got down to business and before I knew it, he called me and said, "Michele, the hearing is next week and I've gotten permission to represent you so you don't have to travel back to Maryland." Yay!! I was about to have a fresh start and I didn't even have to set my wheels in the courtroom! The day of the hearing came (April 10th, 2001), and my attorney called me to announce that my divorce had been granted...I giddily told Doug, who said, "Let's go get married!"

WHOA!!

Wait a minute, mister...this is all a bit sudden! :) But my protest fell on deaf ears, and before I knew it, I was in the magistrates office saying, "I do."

Little did I know that once a judge had granted you a divorce, the paperwork still had to be approved, stamped, and filed with the clerk of the court...so my divorce is dated May 30, 2001, at which time I'd been married to Doug for 50 days! Whoops!

Anyway, we're about to celebrate 10 years of illegal bliss! ♥

Hey Blog-Fam!

2011-03-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update to say I'm still alive! I've been a sick puppy for the last week. Ugh...I'm one of those people who's almost never sick. I rarely get colds or the flu, but this "sick" season I've had the flu, and now am just getting over a nasty case of bronchitis. Other than when I had femur surgery and had to take prophylactic antibiotics, I had not had to take any in a DECADE!! I'm totally against the over-prescribing of them, as they destroy all the good flora in your digestive system, but I was sick enough that when he handed me a Z-Pack, I took it without argument. I'm taking pro-biotics and eating yogurt to try and counteract the negative effects. Chobani Greek yogurt is good, and I bought it because it was on sale, but seriously, I like my homemade "greek" yogurt SO MUCH better, and it's like HALF the price! I take a big tub of "El Cheapo" brand plain yogurt and dump it into a fine sieve lined with 3 or 4 paper towels, and put the sieve over a pot it just fits into.

Place a piece of plastic wrap right on the surface of the yogurt, and then stick it in the fridge overnight. In the morning the pot under the sieve will be filled with whey (the liquid from the yogurt.) Don't toss this, it's pure protein and fabulous for replacing liquid in smoothies. The yogurt you'll be left with in the sieve will be thick and custard-like...much more so than Greek yogurt.

It's AMAZING, and ready to be flavored however you like. My favorite is just a little cinnamon and a pack of Splenda. Yum!

Anyway, once I'm fully recovered I'll get back in the swing of blogging. Hope you are all doing fabulously!

Hugs!
Michele

Mama Says...

2011-03-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, I work for a student vacation rental company here in North Myrtle Beach. We're one of a very few companies that rent beach houses and condo's to college spring breakers, and even high school students, with no chaperones...every week during high school graduation season, our company houses between 1500-2000 graduating high school seniors. Can you say insanity?

It's an incredible blessing to have a job in this economy, and even more so considering I work with some awesome people, and get to interact with our future leaders (be afraid... JUST KIDDING!)
Anyway, working in an environment such as this makes for LOADS of "What the heck?" moments and stories so out there you know you'll be sharing them for the rest of your life.
Here's an example -- totally true: During the warm months, turnaround in beach houses is quick. Those housekeepers go in after the kids check out at 10am, and get down & dirty cleaning...then at 3pm, the next group arrives to check in.
So like every other time, the housekeepers enter one of the most popular beachfront houses the company has, and are stunned to see every wall and available space covered in graffiti done with Sharpie markers. I'm not talking about "Bobby & Sue 2-gether, 4-ever" But really GRAPHIC, jaw-dropping stuff. So the housekeepers, who've pretty much seen it all, got some KILZ and did a quickie paint job (but not before snapping photos for evidence of the dirty deed) and the next group checked in to a house with damp paint still on the walls. When the parents of the little angels received the bill for damages, they called our offices, indignant, informing us that their fine, upstanding offspring would never do such a thing...and then we sent them the photographs, many of which had specific names of their kids stating what they'd done to whom while at the beach...(use your imagination! LOL) -- They paid the bill without any further argument.

And here's another: We check in a group of kids, and within a few minutes they're back in the office, looking upset. "It reeks in there" one of them says. They all nod their heads in agreement. That's strange...the housekeepers have it checked off as having been cleaned right after the last check-out...but hmmm...that was a few days ago, this group is just here for a partial week. We send someone over to check it out, and sure enough, it reeks! So thankfully there's another appropriately sized house to move the kids into. Then the housekeepers head over to re-clean. They really go at that house, and with plenty of bleach. They freshen every drain and scrub everything they can think of, and by the time they leave, all they can smell is bleach, so they close up the house and check it off as "clean." We don't give it another thought until the next week of check-ins, and this time the group comes back telling us it smells like a dead body is in the place! Uh-oh...
So somethings obviously going on, and we have to get to the bottom of it, so a crew of employees go over and enter the house. Thank the Lord I was not there, because apparently it was like being hit in the face with a sledgehammer full of stink. (According to my husband.) They began sniffing, trying to locate the source...not an easy task when you're nauseous and about to be sick from the smell...but finally one guy says, "Hey! It's coming from this picture!" It was a framed print, hanging on the wall. They peeked behind it and lo & behold, there was a hole in the wall! I'll cut to the chase; after much ripping away of walls, beams, etc... they found the carcass of a store-bought chicken. The last actual inhabitants had thought it would be hysterical to buy a raw chicken and hide it in the house. --Can you tell I'm not laughing? OK, actually, I am since it's ancient history...funny how things can get funnier the farther in the past they are. :)

Finally, there's this...and I've saved one of the very best for last! :) This happened several years ago, but has become a part of our company to the extent that it's posted on our website to this day. A kid left a wallet behind that the housekeepers turned in, and as per usual, one of the employees looks for identification in it so it can hopefully be returned to its owner. Inside was something so much better than an ID - it was a laminated card with the following printed on it:

Where I Live...

2011-03-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

I'm busy working and on top of it I have a sore throat and body aches, so I went and sunned myself on the beach today for about 45 minutes hoping it would make me feel better. It did a little, but I still feel kinda yuck and don't feel like writing much...so I thought I'd share some photos of where I live -- North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina:

Here's a marsh view at sunset:

A very common site around town, sometimes seems there are as many golf carts as there are cars:

This is our Main St. in North Myrtle:

I love our wide, beautiful beaches here:

The beautiful and well-traveled Intracoastal Waterway:

The North Myrtle Beach Marina:

Some of the gorgeous houses on Ocean Blvd. -- I could probably fit my house into one of these 4 times! haha!

Hope you enjoyed looking at my little beach town! ♥

~Day 9 of Challenge~

2011-03-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Of course it's God, but I'm fresh out of recent photos of Him. Then there's this guy:

I took this picture while sitting on my handcycle on an unfinished wooded path Saturday...looking up at him being funny. He's awesome, but I've blogged so much about him that you probably already know that!
We broke out the bikes for our first real ride of the season this past weekend. It was fabulous! The temps were in the low 80's with lots of sunshine. The wind was pretty harsh at times, but that just makes it all the more challenging and fulfilling when you're finished.

We had such a great time! We go riding usually at the marina by a hotel called the Grand Dunes. They've installed miles of gorgeous bike trails with a perfect mixture of sand, sun, trees, and water all along the way. Before we left I packed a lunch for us consisting of fresh D'Anjou pears, raw almonds (which I ADORE and could probably live on!) and a little bit of mozzarella cheese. We did about 5 miles and then saw a new road being carved through the woods, so we went "off-road" and found a sun-dappled spot to eat. Whenever we picnic outdoors, I get a kick out of knowing that if I leave a few nuts and my fruit core behind, it's a meal for some cute critter. I'm just a dork that way. haha! After we ate, we rode about 3 miles more. We would have done more, but the wind seemed to always be in front of us...except for once, which was an amazing stretch that felt like FLYING!
But for our first ride of Spring, 8 miles felt pretty good. I'm so thankful for my handcycle. It was a Christmas gift about 4 years ago from my Dad. He knew that I was trying to get healthy and bought it for me, and now he gets a kick out of how often I use it...and of course knowing that I'm 50 pounds smaller than I was when he bought it for me. He says it was one of his greatest investments to see the smile on my face! I ♥ my Dad...we have LOTS of history - with him having had to struggle through trying to raise me by himself, but it seems people really do mellow with time, because he now says "Love you" at the end of our phone calls, and I actually believe he means it. ♥
Here's a pic of me and my Dad from last Thanksgiving:

So, this post began with God - He's number 1. Then onto my husband, who has been my rock, my wings, my best friend... and of course I don't want to leave my son out of this, because he has been the reason I've kept on keeping on for so long.

Here are a couple of pictures of my son, Nathan (or NayNay as I have called him since he was little):

Dangerous Curves Ahead!

2011-03-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

"Imperfection is beauty; madness is genius; and it is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." ~Marilyn Monroe

According to Size USA, the "average" measurements for American women today are 40 inches in the bust, 34 inches in the waist and 43 inches in the hips.
Also, the National Center for Health Statistics puts the average height for an adult female in the United States at 5'3.8"

Since I'm in my mid-40's, have had a child, and have been sitting in a wheelchair for 24 years, I bless the Lord above that my numbers are a little lower than the "average" as far as measurements are concerned, but then again, I'm shorter than "average" too, at a whopping 5'1" tall! haha!
Disability aside, I struggle with keeping a positive body image just like so many other women, but I daily try to accept myself and focus on the things I like about my looks and figure, while maintaining a healthy and active way of life and striving for better (in all areas of my life.)
Unfortunately there will always be someone [or something] that comes along and holds up a magnifying mirror to your flaws. What I'm wondering [aloud] here is why some people point out perceived flaws in others without seeming to feel bad in the least about it? I mean, I feel guilty if I even think a bad thought about someone's appearance.
I'm going to use a recent example of this, more than anything as a springboard for trying to understand this sort of thing. If you're the person I'm referring to, I'm not angry at you, just wondering what motivates some to say things without thinking of the way it makes others feel.
Maybe I'm being naive, but I think most women like to build up their friends, and point out the good they see in them, right?
I was talking with someone the other day who I met way back when I was 19 years old. We didn't stay in touch, but in the last 2 years, thanks to Facebook, we've reconnected. One of the things she seems to bring up over and over and over now, 25 years later, is how skinny I was back then, and how she cannot believe that I'm no longer skinny.

Why?

I had put up a photo on facebook of my mangled thigh right after surgery, and the comment she made had nothing to do with the injury or surgery, but instead was that she could not believe how big my thighs were now! What the heck? I'm a healthy W-O-M-A-N -- not a drug addicted 19 year old. Why is the latter considered somehow better than being a healthy adult with, pardon my bluntness, boobs and hips? Other than the fact that my body happens to have a spinal cord injury, I kinda like it and I think it's pretty decent, all things considering. Do I want to lose a few pounds? Sure...but just a few (less than 20, more than 10 haha!) But in the meantime, I'll be darned if I'll put my life on hold. What matters to me more than unsolicited opinions are the numbers presented to me at the doctors office. Perfect blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol levels, glucose readings, etc... I'm so thankful that I've reached this place considering that in 2006 my weight had ballooned up to almost 200 pounds and I had high EVERYTHING at the doctors office.

Anyway, I guess if there's a message here in my rambling, it's 'think' before speaking. Put yourself on the receiving end of your words, and proceed with caution.
"Being considerate of others will take you further in life than a college degree."
~MARIAN WRIGHT EDELMAN

Back In The Saddle

2011-03-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

As of March 15th it's been a full year since my femur injury, and I was just released from my surgeon to "go wild" -- him having declared of my once shattered thigh bone, "that's solid." I ♥ my surgeon...he did an amazing job and really gave his all despite me being "one of those" patients that he probably made little, if any, profit from. Now if we can just get me sitting straight in a better suited wheelchair, I'll be rip-roaring ready to go, but because (as anyone who knows me IRL will vouch to) I'm slightly hyperactive, while I hope and pray for my new chair, rather than letting too much time pass by, I'm going to go ahead and jump back into life with both wheels (or I guess that would be 4 wheels?) This means that April 14th - 16th I'll be competing in the bench press competition at the 2011 Southeastern Regional Wheelchair Games, and then on April 17th I'll be handcycling 11 miles in the 19th Annual Coastal Carolina University Triathlon. It's a team triathlon, where one of my friends will do a 300 yard swim, then I do 11 miles of cycling, and finally, another friend does the 5k run.
I adore the warm weather and all the fun opportunities it brings. I always say I'd rather have sweat pouring off of me than feel the slightest chill... my son is the complete opposite and dreams of one day escaping the Deep South for somewhere with snow and hats and mittens. Crazy kid!
So it's been back to the gym full force. I must admit, I was a wimp and was doing good if I made it to the gym twice a week in January and February -- did I say how much I dislike the cold...even if it's South Carolina "cold"...? I only teetered up about 4 pounds though, over the entire holiday/winter season, so I guess it could have been worse, no?
Good news is that I'm already back up to 3 sets of 7 with 150 pounds on the bench press machine. Sounds impressive, but 150 pounds is a lot easier to bench press on a machine than it is with a free weight bar...trust me!! Especially when you have balance issues, like most people with spinal cord injuries do...although most of my friends would testify that I'd be "unbalanced" even if I were able-bodied...but only "good" crazy, right? RIGHT? *looks around suspiciously*
Anyway, wish me luck as I jump back into sports & athletics, femur healed, *hopefully* a new wheelchair in the near future to help me sit right, and a fresh new outlook that the spring breeze blew into my soul. :)

~Day 8 of Challenge~

2011-03-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

So yeah, it's a terrible quality picture, but it still makes me laugh every time I see it. It's of two of my very best friends in the world...Kat, and my dear husband, Doug (or Dougy-Poo, Chesty, et. al.) -- This was at the end of last summer, before Kat's belly-button timer popped and 10-pound Braden entered the world... Kat and her other 3 kids had stopped by my house, and my husband and Kat decided to compare "pregnant" tummy's. Who's do you think looked bigger? Shhh...don't tell anyone, but I think my husband's may have actually been a food baby!
Obviously the belly comparison makes me laugh, but I also always end up laughing at this picture because in Kat's hand is her dog's collar (he was visiting, too!) but the way she's holding it up to be out of the way of her tummy, it looks like a tambourine, and since her eyes are half-closed in the pic, she comes across as a hippie chick shaking her tambourine and really digging the grooviness of the moment! Hahaha! You know I ♥ you, Kat! And seriously folks, she is GORGEOUS...this is a bad pic...so I want to share one where her (outer as well as inner) beauty is captured, too!

Anyway, Kat is such a great friend! For my birthday this past February 12th (which is also HER birthday) she gave me a handmade (by her) purse and matching kindle cover (the kindle was a gift from my dear sister (Hi Diane!).
Here they are:

You can check out more of her awesome stuff on facebook here: "Kat's Out o'the Bag"

~Day 7 of Challenge~

2011-03-13T16:48:00.000-07:00

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.

Although I generally don't think we should lay up our treasures here on earth, I do cherish my wedding rings. The stories of where my husband and I came from would seem, to even me, one of those things that you see in a movie and think, 'hmph, that would never really happen, it's just too over the top' -- but nevertheless, it is what it is...and God still managed to turn so much bad into so much good.

HORACE & BONNIE

When my husband, Doug, was 4, he had two brothers, ages 9 and 11, named Jeffrey and Kenneth.

JEFFREY

KENNETH

Their mom and dad, Bonnie and Horace, were said to be incredibly in love. Bonnie was a person that would catch a bug in her house and release it outside rather than kill it...and Horace was the guy that everyone seemed to know and love. That same year, Bonnie died from cancer, and Horace was left with three boys to raise by himself until he met Peggy, and they married and had a little girl together, named Kathleen.

PEGGY

KATHLEEN

Sadly, when my husband was 6, Peggy was taking the boys to school and had Kathleen with them when there was a horrible car accident that killed everyone but my husband. Soon after that, his dad, Horace, had a massive heart attack and died.

See...? I told you it was so out there that it seems unbelievable. When Doug and I were first getting into a serious relationship, I actually had a moment where I questioned the truth of such an outrageously sad story.

So at 6, my husband was orphaned, not only losing his parents, but all of his siblings. But God was watching over him still, and his dad's brother and wife, who had a son and a daughter, took him home and called him their own. His "mom" (his Aunt Gail) put away his mom's wedding rings so that one day he would be able to give them to the woman he'd marry if he chose to, and he did, and those are the rings I wear to this day. I've actually had people ask me if I don't wonder about the rings being bad luck or something silly, but I don't look at them as cursed, but instead as blessed. They were given and worn in the presence of great love back then, and now still. I just hope that his mom, up in heaven, is happy with who Doug chose to give her rings to. ♥

~Day 6 of Challenge~

2011-03-11T16:55:00.000-08:00

"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all." ~William Goldman (screenwriter for The Princess Bride)

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

PRINCESS BUTTERCUP

Okay, so no one said it had to be a real person, and I'm a hopeless romantic who has watched "The Princess Bride" so many times I could probably recite most of the movie.

My hubby's cell phone ring for when I'm calling is a recording of me saying, "Farmboy, fetch that pitcher" -- in my best British accent, of course! (If this makes no sense to you, just go watch the movie, you'll love it!) Likewise, he'll often reply to things I say, "As you wish." *swoon*

Anyway, since I've loved this movie for 20+ years, I've come across some others just as crazy about it as myself, some even crazier...and a few with some awesome input about this seemingly simple little fairytale. I want to share with you this amazing list of 10 Life Lessons from The Princess Bride:

1. It's possible, with the right strategy, to best a giant.

2. Outsmarting the one who thinks he is smartest of all is not inconceivable. Pride creates vulnerability.

3. Don't believe everything you hear. It appears people can actually survive the fire-swamp.

4. The obvious bad guy isn't always the bad guy, but a reputation can be bigger than reality.

5. Reciting your name and life's purpose with passion to everyone you meet can gain you the resources you need to reach your goal. Plus win you a few lifelong friends along the way.

6. Good fighting is as much about style as it is about skill. Add style to your skills because style is more fun to watch.

7. The six fingered man was wicked then and he's wicked now. Pay attention to track records they tell a true story.

8. There is such a thing as true love if you are willing to fight to the death for it.

9. Having a great gift for rhyme can bring levity during a difficult time... I mean it. Anybody want a peanut? A sense of humor is priceless.

10. Fairy tales are a great reminder that happy endings are possible if you believe in them. We sacrifice for those things we believe in.

Blogging Buddies

2011-03-09T14:31:00.001-08:00

~Tonight I'm taking a short break from my '30 Day Challenge' posts because I want to share a few great sites with you. I've encountered some really wonderful people through blogging that I want to highlight here...so if you've got a few minutes and would enjoy browsing through some FABULOUS blogs, here they are:

A Perfect Dose of Life -- Kristina is one of those people you just like from the word 'go' -- plus, how can you pass up checking out a recipe called "Pretzel Crusted Chicken with Spicy Mustard Sauce" -- seriously, my husband began salivating at the mere mention of it! LOL BUT, there's one condition...if you make this recipe, you have to promise to include the chopped pickles and onions, Kristina said it really makes the dish! :)

Food Floozie -- Seriously, how could you not visit a blog named "Food Floozie"?? Mary is a fabulous friend to many, including me, and an A-MAZ-ING cook, whom I happen to think needs to be right up there with Martha Stewart and The Barefoot Contessa, only Mary is much more entertaining...imagine Barefoot Contessa and Erma Bombeck had a baby...that would be Food Floozie! If you make her "Chocolate Shortbread Cookies" please send a couple in the mail to me! :)

I Made It Through The Rain -- This is a journaling blog by Karen, who was my first (and best) blog friend! I love her "Wordless Wednesday" post pictures...they always bring a smile into my day.

Rise Above Your Limits
-- Becky Jane really blew my mind when she saw me (a stranger out here in blogger land) with my current need for a new wheelchair and no insurance coverage, and took it upon herself to post a blog about my need, and ask for people to consider helping me out. Because of her, I'm on my way to being able to get my new chair. Best of all, I've made a great new friend. I love this post she had back in February about loving ourselves just the way we are: "Tuesday Tutorial - Love Yourself"

I hope you've enjoyed these few of my favorites. I'm going to try to feature 4 favorites once a week. There're so many great bloggers out there!

~Day 5 of Challenge~

2011-03-08T13:53:00.000-08:00

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.

Now, this is certainly not my most favorite memory, but I have so many that could qualify as such - like the birth of my son, marrying my best friend, etc...so I went with one of my favorite lighthearted memories. This is a photograph I took of the band "Blue October" at the House of Blues here in North Myrtle Beach, SC.
Blue October is my very favorite band, and they always put on such an amazing show.
Here's my favorite song from them. The lyrics in this song are great, and I especially like these few lines:
"I need a fresh start on the roller coaster made for coasting-
It's time to wake up, time to make up,
Time to shake these memories.
It's time to leave the past in the past
And lace up a new set of shoestrings..."

~Day 4 of Challenge~

2011-03-07T18:58:00.000-08:00

A picture of your night.

Wish I could post up some exciting photo of something amazing I did tonight, but I was working, so here's the logo from the company I'm working with right now. It's most assuredly a FUN company, though! Sunday was the kick-off for the college spring break season in Myrtle Beach. We locals still think it's quite chilly with daytime temps in the high 60's/low 70's -- but some of these kids are visiting from PA, OH, NY, etc...and I suppose it seems right balmy to them! Hahaha!

Now here's where things get really exciting [are you sensing the sarcasm here?] LOL...
After work, I still hadn't had supper, so I ran up to the store and grabbed some chicken breasts and salad fixins, and now at 10pm, I've just now finished eating!
I apologize for rubbing your noses in my uber-exciting life in the fast lane, but hey, someone has to be fabulous, and it may just as well be moi! ;)

~Day 3 of Challenge~

2011-03-05T20:39:00.000-08:00

A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

My favorite show is "Chopped" - but the cast is not really set in stone, but is always shifting. If you've never watched it, you should check it out, because it's awesome! Tonight (Sunday) is a big deal for the show...it's the kick-off of "Chopped - All Stars" where famous chefs will be competing against one another in the fun, quick rounds, instead of the younger, up & coming chefs that the show usually features. It begins at 9pm eastern/8pm central, on the Food Network show.

Here's a quick little video snippet of "Chopped" just so you can get an idea of how fun it is:

For a really interesting, engaging, and entertaining family night, you can do a home version of "Chopped." One person provides 3 to 4 strange ingredients and the other has to come up with a decent tasting meal, featuring each of the ingredients, in 30 minutes.
You can imagine the laughs! If you're not feeling super confident in your family members cooking abilities, you can always just stick to the dessert round.

Anyway, consider checking out my favorite TV show...I bet you'll be hooked!

~Day 2 of Challenge~

2011-03-04T20:23:00.000-08:00

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.

This is a photo of me (in the wheelchair) and my sister, Diane. She's the person I've been closest to the longest...she's my "safe place." When I had the accident in 1987 that left me a paraplegic, you'd think I would have first called out for my mother or father...but I asked the hospital staff for my sister, and then my dad. She's the one who stood at my bedside twisting the briars filled with poison oak out of my matted and bloody hair...and when I came to a few days later, the first face I saw was hers, smeared with patches of a pale pink substance which turned out to be calamine lotion. She'd ended up covered with poison oak.
We all laugh about it now, that I was thrown into the woods from the accident, and to top it all off, landed in a patch of briars and poison oak! If it weren't for bad luck... you know the rest, right? haha!
Back to Diane...throughout my life she's been a mother to me, my best friend, my confidant, and the best sister anyone could ever ask for.
We talk almost daily, and she knows me better than I know myself. Currently I'm struggling through something that I'm not ready to blog about, and I even attempted to shut her out, to save her from having to worry about me -- but she refuses to go away! haha! (If you're reading this, Diane...that's meant to be funny!) She wants to make sure I'm "ok" and it's just another example of how deep our love for one another is...we truly want the other to be happy, and will do whatever we can to make it happen. Our connection is so real that we actually "feel" it when the other is struggling -- there's no facade to hide behind.
On a lighter note, many people have trouble telling us apart on the phone. We both have the voice of a 12 year old! haha!
Also, she's an amazing cook and just in case you ever end up at her table, let me give you a hint.

If you just want a little more, tell her you're stuffed and couldn't eat another bite: BAM, a smallish portion will appear on your plate.

If you want a generous helping, tell her "just a teeny bit" and: BAM, a HUGE helping will appear on your plate.

If you're truly full and can't eat anything, be prepared to slip it to the dog, because she doesn't understand that.

A Borrowed 30 Day Challenge

2011-03-04T06:05:00.000-08:00

My beautiful friend, Rona, had this awesome looking challenge up on her facebook wall, and I thought it would be neat to give it a shot myself. If nothing else, it would force me to devote at least a few minutes to my blog, daily, for one month.

Here's the challenge in overview, it's basically 30 days of posting photographs, but not just randomly, with specific purposes/thoughts/prompts, etc... associated with them. Not only does it seem like it will be fun, but also insightful...so without further ado, my 1st entry will follow the 30 day list...

30 day challenge:
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 1:

15 Facts:

1. I was 12, almost 13 in this photo.
2. Growing up I was asked a lot if I was Italian.
3. That I know of, I have not a single ounce of Italian heritage.
4. My background is German/Jewish on my dad's side, and my mom's family has been in the American South for many generations.
5. I was a straight "A" student until my mom left about the time this photo was taken. I almost immediately plummeted to straight "F's" -- hey, at least I was consistent! LOL
6. My favorite food going back as far as I can remember, has been donuts. I allow myself to eat them no more than twice in one year, because of insulin resistance troubles. (Did you know that 1 Blueberry Crumb Donut from Dunkin' has 84 carbs?!?!?)
7. I eat a mostly paleo diet.
8. Despite the fact that my diet consists of mostly meat, my cholesterol level stays about 115 TOTAL.
9. I'm shy, but no one seems to believe me! LOL
10. I have 2 modes: ON & OFF
11. My favorite flowers are Gerbera Daisies and Hydrangea.
12. My favorite tree is the Weeping Willow.
13. I'm fascinated by lizards, snakes, frogs, mice and rats. I think they're cute.
14. I feel naked without my gold hoops in my ears, and have been known to turn around to go home and get them if I forget to put them in.
15. My husband and I really are best friends...no one in my entire life has ever been kinder to me, so consistently - so unconditionally. I am truly blessed to have him as my other half.

Paying It Forward - The Crafty Edition

2011-02-27T19:28:00.000-08:00

Kristina over at "A Perfect Dose of Life" always has amazingly sweet and upbeat posts, and today was no different. She shared a "Pay It Forward" idea that is right up my alley since I get pure joy out of creating things with my own two hands. So, without further ado, here it is:

Here are the rules:

* Be one of the first five people to comment on this post.
* You will receive something handmade from me within the next few months.
* Post about Pay it Forward on your blog/social media site of choice and send something handmade to the first five people who comment on your post. Keep the craftiness going!
* You can send anything, big or small...(even a homemade card for those who are less "crafty") It just has to be handmade.

If you are one of the first five people to comment, just make sure you leave your email address so I can get in contact with you!!!

***and please go check out Kristina's beautiful blog! "A Perfect Dose of Life"

Sharing one of my poems...

2011-02-22T16:24:00.000-08:00

I'm a lover of poetry...both reading it, and writing it. Is there anything more romantic than a lover writing a tender poem for you?
There's so much "there that's not there" -- if you know what I mean...not only in the double-entendres, but in the imagery and sometimes endless interpretations to be made.
I love re-reading a poem I've read many times, and finally "getting" something new that I'd never glimpsed in it before. Anyway, feel free to share your favorite poetry in the comments section, either ones written by someone else, or by you. I'd love to see what you like. In the meantime, here's one of mine from 2006:

"Lucidity"

I see my sanity before me,
a dancing nymph
flitting to and fro,
taunting me-
catch me if you can!

Delicate wings
carry her away
while I give chase-
yet she remains
just out of reach.

When I give up,
weary and broken,
she gently lands
beside me-
as I gaze in awe
at her fragile beauty.

Too quickly
she’s off again,
but she pauses
briefly in mid-flight
and looks at me-
lighting up my world.

With a glance
and a smile
she’s revealed-
it’s the chase
that keeps us both alive.

Michele Chastain ©2006

Finding Balance

2011-02-17T16:05:00.000-08:00

Lots of people may not realize that when you sustain a spinal cord injury, you lose all sense of physical balance. In rehabilitation therapy, we're taught to find a sort of "false balance" point when sitting, and then we train ourselves to maintain that balance, even when outside forces try to throw us off.
One of the first exercises I was taught was to throw a ball back and forth with my therapist, throwing and catching with both hands at the same time to strengthen my trunk and improve my sitting balance. But I was slick, (or at least I thought I was) and realized I was darn good at throwing and catching a pretty big ball with one hand, while holding onto my chair with the other. Sure it worked, but it wasn't helping me build my much needed core strength. I was looking at the "right now" and not the future. I just wanted to get through the ball game without falling over, possibly injuring my body, but most assuredly injuring my pride. Thankfully my therapist didn't put up with it for long, and she whipped me into shape...and before long I was catching the ball with my hands out in front of me, and even over my head, which was no easy feat for a newly injured high level paraplegic. But the most important thing here was that working for this center of balance helped me prepare for those times I might be caught off guard...AND, I was proud of myself and had a new sense of confidence to try more challenging feats.
(((For those who know (or don't know) anything about the spinal column, I am a T-5 paraplegic which means my spinal cord was injured at the 5th vertebrae in the thoracic region.))) Here's a picture:

Anyway, lately I've been looking at the balance in my own life, and how when I plan ahead, balancing things based on priorities, I end up more at ease and life is easier. Alternately, I can look at when I've failed to plan ahead, and done no weighing and prioritizing, I inevitably end up taking on more than I'm comfortable with, and my stress level shoots up...then a whole lot of nothing gets accomplished. Been there?

You know how it is being a woman in this day and age...we're supposed to be a great housekeeper, but bring in some money to help run the household, take care of the kids, make sure everyone is eating healthy meals, do the shopping, make sure your friends and family never feel slighted, and look at least halfway decent at all times. That's a lot to juggle and that's not even all of it. It only takes one foible to make it all come crashing down...leaving us trying to scramble to pick up everything and get it all back in place.
Balance is about making careful choices. If you have a set of scales in front of you, you're going to carefully choose which items to place on either side in order to keep them from tipping. So it is in our lives.

One way I've found to streamline is to combine things when I can.

•For instance, instead of having to schedule in time for my husband and I to be together outside of work, and my regular workouts, I got my husband to join the gym. Now we spend that time together, and the extra perk is that he's lost weight and has a healthier cholesterol and blood pressure!

•Back in 08 when my son was in high school, our local Humane Society shelter really needed help with office work and adoptions, so I was spending a lot of time there. Instead of taking that time away from my son, I encouraged him to get his required community service hours (for his senior project) by volunteering at the shelter with me.

•Occasionally my friends who also knit and crochet (like me) will get together for a gab session while we do our yarn work. So we're all getting something finished, but spending time together as well. These times with friends also seems to renew my spirit.

Good planning can help us have a more balanced and fulfilling life. Please share with me how you work to stay in balance, both in your day to day life, and emotionally/spiritually, etc...

~Another Year Older, Another Year Wiser~

2011-02-13T19:03:00.000-08:00

Saturday I turned 40-something-ish... hahaha! My hubby brought me a dozen gorgeous peach colored roses, and took me out to "wherever I wanted to go" -- but being a 'not so fancy' girl, I chose Sticky Fingers rib restaurant. I was in the mood for some smokey ribs...yum! I was only able to eat 4 ribs, though, since I'd had the flu last week and was still a little green around the gills! Oy! We shared a peach cobbler for dessert...then we went for a drive. I love quiet birthdays with my most cherished people. I'm not big on people making a production, or God forbid, strangers in a restaurant singing Happy Birthday!
Time really flies by fast, doesn't it? And it's true what our parents and grandparents used to tell us that it just seems to go quicker and quicker the older we get. How can I be this age, yet still feel 15 inside my head? Haha! One quick glance in the mirror jolts me back to the reality of my age though, oh my! Those "smile lines" as my hubby calls them -- but I ask him why, if they're really "smile lines" are they still there when I stop smiling? When push comes to shove, I know I'm not likely to go the Botox route (although I don't fault anyone who does.) I'm afraid I'd be one of the people it messes up with, so I guess I'll just wear my wrinkles, sags, and bags as badges...God knows I've earned every_single_solitary one of them!
Anyway...hope you all have a beautiful Valentine's Day filled with peace, love and chocolate!

28 Random Things about Michele...

2011-02-09T14:41:00.000-08:00

I love when other bloggers post random factoids about themselves. It's like a little peek inside of someone's world that you otherwise may not have glimpsed in just reading the "typical" blog posts.
So in honor of the 28 days of February, I settled on 28 random facts about myself. I hope I'm actually interesting enough to come up with 28 things! Hahaha!

1. My favorite TV shows are: Project Runway & Chopped
2. My favorite color is green.
3. My middle name is Anna.
4. My son, Nathan, was born 7.5 weeks premature and weighed 3 pounds, but otherwise was perfectly healthy! Thank God! :)
5. I have green/light brown/gold eyes that seem to change color with my moods...which freaks my husband out sometimes! Haha!
6. I'm only 5'1"
7. I love peanut butter with bacon!
8. I drive a bright blue PT Cruiser convertible.
9. My maiden name is Baumgardner (11 letters, OY!)
10. I cringe when people scrape their eating utensils on their teeth.
11. It makes me crazy when people say "I seen so-and-so at the market..." The grammar-marm in me starts having a panic attack! LOL
12. I lightened my hair to blond for about 15 years before finally realizing God knew what He was doing when He made me a brunette.
13. I write poetry.
14. My husband's name is "Chesty" -- really.
15. I have 1 sister, 1 brother, and 2 step-brothers. I'm the youngest.
16. I lift heavy weights at the gym, and am participating in a lifting competition this April.
17. I handcycle -- here's a picture in case you've never seen one...people always stop me to check it out. :)
18. Although I've been from Florida to Maine on the east coast, I've never been further west than Clearwater, Florida on the Gulf Coast. I feel like I'd be landlocked and itching to be near a coast if I were in the center of the US. Haha!
19. I crack my knuckles... gross, I know.
20. I have a tattoo on my left inner wrist that has 3 stars, 1 for my son (green), 1 for my husband (red), and one for me (purple).
21. I have 5 tattoos in all. The wrist one, a star of David with a yellow flower in it, a bird with a branch in her mouth, a twisted vine with pink roses, and an Egyptian ankh, which is the symbol for "Life."
22. I usually have my toenails painted some crazy color.
23. I have the right lyrics to thousands of songs in my head.
24. My celebrity crush is Javier Bardem *swoon*
25. I used to play the trumpet.
26. Before I was injured, I taught aerobics and weight training.
27. I read like crazy...mostly non-fiction.
28. I want my gravestone to read: "Some of it's magic - Some of it's tragic - But I had a good life all the way"

Can You Feel It...?

2011-02-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

Spring is right around the corner, folks! Yay!
For many, that means Spring Cleaning your homes and yards, getting rid of the clutter and dust, making everything new and fresh for the beautiful months of birth and renewal ahead. This year I challenge you to do a Spring Cleaning of your life along with me!

Here's a great list courtesy of Life Coach, Kathy Gates:

1. Clean out the anger, hatred, jealousy, and self doubt. If you need to apologize, bite the bullet and do it. If you’re still angry and waiting on an apology from someone who won’t or can’t give you one, decide to let it go. It’s not contributing to your life -- in fact it’s contaminating it -- so it needs to go to the junk heap at the curb. Only then can you put something POSITIVE in it’s place. Make some room for happiness.

2. Wash away delay and procrastination. Delay and procrastination set you up for frustration after frustration. You’ll find yourself constantly in the past, trying to catch up, scrambling around trying not to get caught. Is that really how you want to live. Get into the present! You’re missing your life by living yesterday over and over.

3. Dust off your attitude.
Paint on a fresh coat of positive. A positive attitude begins with gratitude. For just one day, practice giving instead of taking, practice sharing as much love, help, care, concern, and gratitude as possible. It’ll change your perspective.

4. Throw out misunderstanding, and lack of patience. Sweep out the dirt of gossip or lies. Open the shades and let in the warmth of friendship. True friendships, take work, time, energy, thoughtfulness. True friendships require forgiveness, require understanding. You don’t want to be a doormat to anyone, but you do want to find relationships that are equal and reciprocal. The results are certainly worth it.

5. Lighten up your thoughts with humor and fun. Yes life is difficult and the world can be a scary tiresome place. But in your own world, you are in charge of every day. You decide what to think about. You decide when to laugh, you decide what to read, what to listen to, what to think about. Choose to insert laughter into each day; choose to have a little fun every day.

6. Open the windows of your mind to new ideas and a fresh perspective on living a happier, better, easier life. Change takes action. There’s no silver bullet, no magic pill. But if you’ll open your mind to some different ways of doing things, if you’ll try some new habits, if you’ll work your mind muscles and your organizational skills in a different way, you’ll find that you’ll create the life that you truly want, not just the one that you end up with.

7. Enjoy the person you are. If you don’t like yourself, find out why, and start working on becoming a person you do enjoy and that others will enjoy also. The returns will be worth it.

It's Never Too Late

2011-02-02T07:41:00.000-08:00

No matter how far you go down the wrong road, you can always turn back...

Isn't this a powerful phrase? If you stop and meditate on it a moment, you'll probably be amazed at the profundity of these words.

If you've struggled with a problem, secret, or way of thinking for so long, and feel as though there's no hope for you, you're wrong. If you're alive, there's hope!

I've talked about it once before in my blog that I was molested as a little girl. It went on for quite a while, and it planted an ugly seed in my soul, making me believe I was bad. Such a simple, 3-letter word, "BAD" -- but so powerfully negative. This feeling of being bad plagued me for so many years. When I was 9 and had the opportunity to drink alcohol for the first time, I figured I might just as well, because I was bad. When I was 12 and offered drugs for the first time, I gave in and did them, figuring I had no goodness in me to try and protect. This sort of scenario played out in my life over and over and over, most always with unfortunate results because I was trapped in a vicious cycle and had no idea that I could just step off of the treadmill.
It wasn't until I was in a trauma unit being told I would never walk again that it clicked in my mind that I'd had enough. It was time to take control of the reins of my life and salvage what I could.
I'd love to say it was sunshine & rainbows from there on out, but that would be a lie. If someone ever tells you their life is perfect, you can instantly be sure of either one of two things about them:

1. They're delusional.
OR
2. They're a liar.

Perfection is not a part of the human experience.

Often over the years as I've tried to make the most out of my life, I've looked up only to realize I'm back on that road that leads to the place in my soul where I feel like I'm 'bad.' Most people would never even know this unless I shared it. I've never backslid into substance abuse or any sort of a wild lifestyle, but where I do slip can be just as dangerous. How can we create good in our lives when at our very core, we feel bad? We can't. We project what's inside and create our reality.

The little girl who was made to feel bad, was never bad. Someone did something bad to her, but her soul remained unblemished in the eyes of her Creator. We must never allow negative influences to permeate our beings. Don't let people put labels on you. Don't let lies loop over and over in your head for so long that you end up believing them. Dwelling on negative thoughts contribute to their power.
Peace Pilgrim, an American teacher, spiritual leader, and pioneer for peace said, "If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought."

So when you find yourself on the wrong road, whether it be the road of negative thinking, or the road to bad habits, etc... just turn around.

Creativity & Emotional Health

2011-01-31T15:35:00.000-08:00

The world is but a canvas to the imagination.
-- Henry David Thoreau

All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.
-- Pablo Picasso

Do any of us ever really lose that sense of "ooh" upon seeing a crisp, blank sheet of paper and a freshly cracked open box of crayons? At 43 years of age, I can proudly say that bright & whimsical pictures begin to form in my mind at the very sight, and even smell, of good ol' Crayolas.
I guess it's a combination of being carried back to happy moments in childhood, (remember how exciting it was to have a new coloring book?) and feelings of hopeful anticipation at the possibilities that lie ahead on the canvas of our lives.
There's a connection between emotional health and creativity, but don't worry if you're not artistically gifted. What you create is not as important as just creating. Allowing creative juices to flow relieves stress, and actually lowers blood pressure...even if it's simply doodling on a notepad.
The ways we can express ourselves creatively are endless:

Drawing
Writing
Journaling
Scrapbooking
Singing
Dancing
Sculpture
Painting
Decorating
Cooking
Knitting or crocheting
Sewing
Woodwork, Metalwork, origami, etc...

Creativity not only allows us to break out of established patterns and look at things in a different way, but it sharpens the brain, which can put off the onset of dementia in old age. The more new things you learn, the more exercise the brain gets — and the sharper it will remain. It's often recommended that seniors learn new skills and challenge themselves with new opportunities, but why wait until you're old?

For me personally, I find comfort and relaxation in upcycle crafting (basically turning "trash" into "treasure") - because while I'm creating, I feel like I'm being a little "green" too...but my all time favorite way to express my inner artist is through crochet, which I've been doing since I was in the 5th grade! My first project ever was a hideous, pepto-bismol pink scarf that was as crooked as a used car salesman. (If you're a used car salesman and reading this, sorry!! LOL)
I've mostly always just made things and given them away as gifts, and occasionally made things to order and charged for them. People have said for years that I should sell more of my crochet work, and now I'm going to give it a shot. So long as it never feels more like "work" and less like "play" I'll be happy to actually get paid a few bucks here and there for doing something I love. I've bought things a few times over the last few years from the online shops at etsy, but now I'll be a first-time seller.
Here's a link to my brand new (and mostly empty) online shop:
Chastain Creations

A GIVEAWAY -- ENDED -- WE HAVE A WINNER!

2011-01-27T18:48:00.000-08:00

Cryssi of Cryssi's Corner Blog has won! Please contact me with your mailing info so I can send you these cute tees! :) Congratulations!

Back in December when I was Christmas shopping, I came across this adorable pair of t-shirts and bought them for my husband and myself...and because I got such a great deal on them, I grabbed a second set, and now one of my readers will get them! If you have a "better" half, you two can wear them together. If you're single, they'd make a great anniversary gift to a couple, or hey, you could always throw them into a hope chest, too!
The woman's tee is a ladies cut in size XL.
The man's tee is a regular fit, mens cut in XL.
Both tees are 100% cotton.

HOW TO WIN!

1. Follow my blog.
2. Leave a comment in the comment section.

That's it!

On Sunday, January 30, I will randomly select a winner from the entries!

Being Content While Pursuing Your Goals?

2011-01-24T19:40:00.000-08:00

There's a sentence I've typed up, printed out, and taped to my monitor to remind myself of it daily. It reads: Anything less than daily striving to improve myself, is at best, stagnancy.

At the same time I'm very determined to live a contented life. Are these two desires at odds with one another? I don't think they have to be at all.
Even if you're not a person of faith, the apostle Paul's words carry a lot of wisdom:
"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."(Philippians 4:11–12).

In researching the state of being content, I found two quotes from Benjamin Franklin which made me go "hmmm" when I read them side by side.

He said, “Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.”

But he also said, “Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.”

So I kept wondering how we're to strive to improve ourselves so we don't become stagnant, or worse, regress -- all while being contented...

Finally I had a moment...where it all came together in my head and made sense...

If you're content, you'll feel at peace with yourself and the world. You'll be confident with who you are, where you are in life, and where you plan to go. This leaves you FREE to pursue your dreams.
If you can't appreciate what you have right here and now, in this very moment, you probably won't be able to appreciate anything you achieve or attain if/when that happens. It makes sense, right?

Will Rogers once said, (and I LOVE this quote!) "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there!"

What Matters Most, Matters Now!

2011-01-23T11:16:00.000-08:00

How many times have you been in a situation or discussion where you uttered the words, "what matters most is..." ?
I know I've found myself both saying and hearing that phrase, but it seems to come up most often in tough times.

With our lips we say our loved ones are the top priorities in our lives, but consider what our actions may, at times, say:

We take them for granted.
We resent them.
We blame them.
We stay angry at them for years.
We refuse to apologize or forgive.
We run them down.
We assassinate their character.
We find fault in them, while overlooking the very same faults in ourselves.

People lose jobs every day, but more often than not, they find a new one, and if they're lucky, an even better one.
People lose money in the stock market every day, but if you ride it out, you'll most likely get it back.
You can lose your home, your car and all of your other material possessions, and sure, it stings when you lose these things- and makes you feel hopeless, but with hard work, these things can be replaced over time.
You can't replace people.

This little blog is just a reminder to myself and whomever else may have needed a reminder to hold near & dear the most precious "things" in our lives, and that's the people we love. They are what matter the most...and we all need to remember that NOW...and show them every day that they MATTER the MOST to us...and not try to hurry up and prove it when things get tough or we fear we may be losing one of the people we cherish.

BWN - Business Women's Network

2011-01-20T18:18:00.000-08:00

I want to give a big, heartfelt THANK YOU to the women (and a few men) of the Business Women's Network of Howard County. Many of you know I grew up in Maryland, so it was a pleasure for me to travel back home and speak at a Networking/2011 Kick-off gathering for them. What a lovely group all around. I was treated wonderfully throughout the process, and even afterward I've heard from a few members. I'd like to specifically thank the president of the BWN, Karen Pitsley of Transforming Architecture, and the Director of Programs, Kim Musser, of State Farm, and Joyce Rhine of Homewood Suites Hilton in Columbia, MD.
It was so refreshing to stay in a hotel that was truly wheelchair accessible. A big GOLD STAR for them!

I love the energy that happens when you get a bunch of kind-hearted, strong, and determined women in a room together!
I know I don't live in Maryland anymore, but I hope I am invited back to visit them again!
Hugs all around!

Behavioral Goals for 2011

2011-01-09T17:57:00.000-08:00

German playwright, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, "Behavior is a mirror in which every one displays his own image."
I let my brain wrap around this for a while and realized the profound truth in his statement. Our universe begins within ourselves and expands outwards. I don't mean this in a "self-centered" way at all. Rather, it's so important to remain aware of our affect on everything and everyone around us, and the responsibility that power carries.

I've printed out my behavioral goals for this year and placed them strategically to keep myself reminded. Feel free to share yours in the comments section. We can learn so much from one another.

Although I look forward to adding more, currently mine are:

1. Start each day being thankful.
2. Stop. Look. Listen.
3. Save "I'm sorry" for when it's appropriate and truly called for.
4. When I realize I'm tearing myself down, just stop.
5. Seize the day...every day.

Fill in the Blank Friday!

2011-01-07T20:17:00.000-08:00

Picked up this cute idea from Lauren at "The Little Things We Do"

1. Winter is...my least favorite season. I feel kind of bad saying that because I know God is the Creator of all things, even yucky winter, so I should try harder to appreciate the beauty in it, but I would rather sweat like a pig in 100 degree heat than ever be cold. ***Yep...I realize pigs don't actually sweat like we humans do...but I've been using that phrase so long, it's difficult to let it go. Hahaha!

2. Summer is...my absolute favorite time of the year! I LOVE being able to go outside, even after midnight, in shorts and no shoes. I love the sounds of summer...from the frogs, to the laughter of people on the beach to the sounds of music and arcade games...living at the beach in the summertime is so awakening! I think it makes us all feel a little younger.

3. If it were summer instead of winter right now I'd...be outside, most likely. Maybe strolling along at Broadway at the Beach, or the new boardwalk...or maybe just sitting in the sunroom with the hubby and dogs.

4. My favorite thing to do in winter is...desperately pray to God to give me strength to endure the cold and not wish time away.

5. My favorite thing to do in summer is...so much! Sitting on a pier, going out for a boat ride, swimming, people watching...

6. The ideal outfit for a sunny summer day is...shorts, a light tee, Teva's.

7. The ideal outfit for a frigid winter day is...layers, UGGS... ugh.

The moment I fell in love...Part 1

2010-11-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

Forgive me for this long blog post, but after being away so long, I feel like I'm reloaded with words; Lots and lots of words! Haha! This is a somewhat detailed story, so I will be posting it in 2 parts. If you like this part, make sure you check out Part 2 coming Sunday.

My husband and I became acquaintances via a casual business agreement back in 1996. We hit it off right away, and I could tell this was someone I'd probably remain friends with after we'd finished the work involved...but I never suspected I'd fall head over heels in love.
This was in a time when the average layperson was just tiptoeing into the realm of conducting business over the internet, and here I was, barely knowing how to even navigate beyond the playpen walls of America Online, but agreeing to help this person edit a manuscript. For a good while, I never saw him, just heard his voice when we talked on the phone. He sounded fun, made a lot of quirky jokes that had me laughing often during our calls. I remember thinking that despite him being 33, he still sounded like a "college boy" to me. Then he asked if we could exchange photos so we'd each have a face to go with the voice. I was hesitant, having heard horror stories of internet psychos. I mean, here I was, a 29 year old single mom with a disability -- could be seen as somewhat vulnerable, but against my better logic, I went with my gut. This person seemed like the most decent and truly kind person I'd ever encountered...ever!
I emailed him my photo, and he emailed me his. I think we were both in for a little shock - and I'll tell you why:
I never mentioned I was in a wheelchair, believing it was really none of his business and on the off chance he was a psycho, I didn't want him seeing me as some easy target. But now that I was sending him my photo, I must have still been in "going with my gut" mode, and forgetting that I wanted to guard myself from any "yuckiness" I wrote a little caption that read: "Not bad for a crip chick, huh?" (Please don't be offended by my use of the word "crip" -- I only use it in regards to myself, and would never use a derogatory label with anyone unless I knew they saw it as all in fun, as I do with calling myself a "crip chick.")

On the other end, he sent me a picture of a bunch of guys on the deck of a large sailboat, most of them looking as if they'd imbibed a bit too much, and strangely, he'd labeled the wrong guy as himself. That guy looked like he'd just stepped off a Harley, having ridden cross-country with his fellow Pagan's -- he was scruffy, long-haired, and had a big, bushy beard...standing there in just swim trunks and no shirt, deeply tanned, amongst a rag-tag group much like him, the image didn't mesh with the voice. The voice was Breakfast Club preppy, college educated. His writing was eloquent and impressive. So who was the hairy guy? He assured me it was him.
Alternately, he was perplexed by the "crip chick" caption, and cautiously asked me what it meant. I was caught off guard, but I had nothing to do but just spit it out and then share the how's, why's, and when's.

We continued talking, but now much more often...and not always about his manuscript, but just talking. All the while me trying to meld together the cheerful, boyish voice with the big, hairy ruffian in the photo. Before too long, I realized I just didn't care...and it was obvious, at least based on his actions, that he wasn't the least bit phased by my wheelchair.

One day, he called and said he'd be in the Washington, DC area (where I lived) for a Super Bowl Party with a bunch of his college friends, and asked if I'd like to go with him. I surprised myself by agreeing to go. What was I thinking? I was probably going to be on the news the following week, having been another internet murder victim.
I did the best proactive thing I could think of at the time, I told my sister everything I knew about him, and asked my ex-husband to babysit our son.
Then I nervously waited for the day to come...and kept getting angry at myself for being nervous; telling myself over and over that this was nothing more than a friendship, and I DID NOT WANT a relationship anyway. I was focusing on being the best mom I could be, and my independence.

*ding dong* -- he was at my door.

As soon as I opened the door, I had a CRUSH on him...big time. Not love, but for sure a heavy duty crush. He was the face that I pictured with the voice. Long hair, yes, but clean and combed, and the shaggy beard was trimmed into a neat and tidy goatee. Very preppy glasses framed soft, caring brown eyes, and he smiled the sweetest, melt a girls heart smile, and had straight, sexy teeth (I have this weird thing about teeth, but that's another blog! Haha!) The photo I'd seen of him was taken at the end of an all-guy sailing trip to Tortolla filled with partying and merriment in the complete absence of any females to make sure they bathed.

He later told me he'd had a crush on me for quite a while already, without ever having seen me, face to face. And even more amazing, once he'd found out about my disability, he'd researched it as much as he could so he could be prepared and know what to expect. That meant more to me that any chocolates, champagne, or roses a date could bring me (which is good because our first meal together was McDonalds! Haha!)

But, in closing for this Part 1, I will say we never went to the Super Bowl Party (and no, we weren't crazy hopping into the sack or anything like that.) We just talked and talked, and went for a long drive and talked some more, late into the night. Then he went down the road and got a hotel room so we could spend more time together the next day...which is the day I fell in love with him and I'll tell you about in Part 2.

Christine Frances

2010-09-20T18:12:00.001-07:00

That was my mom's name. Most people called her "Chris." A few called her "oops" because she was clumsy. She was pretty, and fragile, and child-like. She almost never raised her voice. She loved yellow roses and daffodils, and as a grown woman she still slept with stuffed animals on her bed...a stuffed French Poodle named "Fifi La Femme" and a bear named "Peebs."

I miss my mom.

I always miss her, but lately it's been stuck in the forefront of my mind that I'm motherless. Being without a mother can be an incredibly lonely feeling. My mom's last heartbeat occurred on September 25, 2003 -- but most of her had died long before. Despite that being the case, her absence has been much more difficult than I'd ever imagined.
Death is so final to those of us still in this mortal existence. My belief is that I will see her again in another world -- but that's such a misty unknown here in the tangible realm.
When she was here, even if it were merely in a semi-existing manner, there was always hope. Hope that "this time" she would not leave...she would not abuse drugs...she would not try to kill herself...hope that maybe tomorrow she'd have a light in her eyes instead of that painful, lost child expression.

Publius Terentius Afer (195/185–159 BC) said, "While there's life, there's hope."

Not long before my mom died, I'd forbidden her from spending unsupervised time with my son. I told her she had to make a choice between us and the drugs -- and then I added that she needed to "get busy living or get busy dying." I actually said, "If you're going to continue on this path, please just get it over with instead of committing this slow, drawn out suicide that we all have to stand by and witness."

Obviously, I have some guilt over these words. I hope she knows I'm sorry for saying that.

I hope that she's with the Lord -- and I hope she can see that I've tried to do good, and to learn from her mistakes. I hope she knows she is missed, and that we all wish things could have been different. I've spent countless hours going over what I could have said or done to "fix" her. Everything is clearer in hindsight.

While there is life, there is hope. So for now, I have hope for the life I still have here, and hope that one day I will see her again.

Ms. Understood

2010-09-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

I used to be one of those people who wouldn't hesitate to get into a heated debate on hot topic issues such as politics and religion. Two words: Not wise.
The feelings associated with those particular subjects are incredibly personal and most often go much deeper than just the surface subject. Think about it -- how many times at the end of one of those heated debates, does the other person suddenly say, "Ah yes! I see the light and you're absolutely correct. I could not have been more wrong, and now I will forever more see things your way!"

Yeah...next to never.

The sad thing about NOT voicing ones thoughts but merely skimming over them with a generalized statement such as, "I'm conservative" makes it all too easy for folks to lump you into a category that you more than likely don't fit into. Rarely is anything so black or white regarding how one feels about political issues, or belief in a higher being, etc...

Am I treading delicately enough here? I sure hope so.

I've been called a "right winger" by some on the left, and "too liberal" by some on the right. I believe in fiscal conservatism and abhor big government, which is unique amongst the disabled due to how many of them cannot or choose not to work, thus relying heavily on government financial support. In my opinion, the government is balancing so precariously that I would not bet my security on them alone, but that's me. Alternately, I firmly believe that gay people should be allowed to marry.
When I was a little girl, we used to make a yearly trip from the Washington, DC area down to Morehead City, NC for a family reunion on my mom's side. The first person I could not wait to see was one of my mom's cousins because she would play better than all the other grown-ups. She'd run, play ball, spin you around until you came close to throwing up, then turn you upside down pretending she was going to drop you on the head! She taught me how to shoot spitballs, which was about the most awesome thing ever! To a passerby, she looked like a guy, but she's not. She's a lesbian who is manly in appearance and mannerisms. Based on my own experience with her, I could not think of many people who would have been a better parent, but considering she was at an age to start a family in the 70's and 80's (in the south, no less) she never really had much of a chance at that going over well.
My hubby and I recently got into a debate over this, and I ended up saying how I believe marriage is between the two people and God (my belief) so that would make it a "church" thing, and there's the separation of Church & State, so the government should have no say in gay people marrying. I was quickly shot down with a bunch of details, like legal issues, insurance, etc... totally overwhelming, and reminded me why I stopped having those discussions in the first place.

Anyway, I said all of that to say this: Don't lump people into categories without knowing where they stand on issues.
All conservatives are not capitalist pigs, bigots and/or racists.
All liberals are not communist, immoral, or America-haters.

We're all so multi-faceted, and that's what makes this a beautiful country!
Have you ever seen this little picture? I love it.

Collective Sigh

2010-08-30T17:23:00.001-07:00

My town and its inhabitants are about to heave a collective sigh of relief.

I live in North Myrtle Beach, SC, and annually, people pack their vehicles to overflowing, corral the kids (and dogs that they'll sneak past desk clerks), and make the long, traffic-jammed journey just to arrive here where hundreds of thousands just like them are bound and determined to have a relaxing week so get out of their way, dang it! *whew*

Our bustling tourist town that welcomes about 14 million visitors annually, is about to turn back into a sleepy surfside community of 16000.

It's a strange love/hate relationship, like the visit from a family member that drives you crazy. You get to a point where you actually kind of miss them, and then they show up -- and it's all smiles and fun for a short while, but quickly turns into "when the heck are they leaving?"

Soon my neighbors and I can begin to experience an abundance of food on the shelves again, rather than trying to go grocery shopping only to be confronted with shelves that look as if they've been attacked by swarms of starving refugees.

And I'll once again be able to drive to a shop 15 minutes away and actually get there in about 15 minutes. As opposed to sitting in traffic for 45 minutes, being super careful to watch out for last minute right hand turns from the left lane, because someone saw the beach souvenir store and remembered they needed a Myrtle Beach shot glass, shell necklace, alligator head, and the free hermit crab advertised on the sign out front. (People...NOTHING is free -- they try to sell you an overpriced cage for the poor little crab who will probably be dead before you get him - or her - home.) Also, despite the HUGE signs on the stores, they ARE NOT "Going Out Of Business" -- look closely -- the signs actually read "Going Out For Business" Seriously. It's got to be one of the best marketing ploys around, right up there next to their famous advertisement of "10 t-shirts for $3" I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but when you get inside thinking you're going to spend a mere $3 and have Myrtle Beach t-shirts for all of your friends back home, you'll realize you've been had! There's a rack of antiquated, misprinted, chintzy tees that no else wanted -- 10 different styles of tees to be exact -- and you can have any ONE of those ten for only $3.

Anyway...to the tourists that keep our town afloat, even in this grim economy, I thank you! We mostly love you ♥ and we'll see you next Spring!

p.s. Hurricane Earl slipped past us, so come on down for Labor Day weekend!

Bridezilla-Envy?

2010-08-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

I never had one of those weddings that little girls dream about.

The first time I got married, I thought my mom would enjoy the whole wedding gown shopping experience with me, but I should have known better. A half hour at David's Bridal with my mom high as a kite and me completely mortified was enough. I literally grabbed a dress in my size and was out the door for 250 bucks. That set the course for the entire wedding. Let's just get it over with...

The dress was ugly. Not just now looking back due to style differences, but it was ugly then and I knew it, but strangely did not really care much; or at least that's what I'd convinced myself.
I was fresh from the accident that had left me a paraplegic, so looking back, I know I had not fully accepted what had happened, and I had it in my mind that I would look stupid anyway, not walking down the aisle, but rolling - so I just had a "why bother" attitude.
There was so much going on in my head at the time. I was living with my sister, trying to figure out life as a woman with a disability. Well meaning people kind of shoved my first husband and I together, and before I knew it, I was getting married.
One good thing came from that marriage, and that's my son, Nathan. He's now 19 years old and a great kid!
By the time I met my soul mate, my best-est friend in the universe, my hunny-bunny, etc... who is now my 2nd, and last husband, I was 29 and had been in a wheelchair for 10 years, so had come to terms with it. I'd even begun to thrive by then. Yay!
This time though, having gone through an ugly divorce, being financially drained, and not wanting to ask my dad to pay for a wedding for an almost 30 year old. We went to the justice of the peace.
I so wanted to express the deep love, romance, and joy I felt for him in the form of a memorable day, but it just was not to be. As I often say, "it is, what it is."

Now, pushing 43 years old, I find myself watching wedding themed shows like a hungry orphan!
I 'oooh' and 'ahhh' over David Tutera's magical wedding transformations! I shake my head at the 'Bridezillas' and wonder how they have a friend in the world left, much less a husband! I get tears in my eyes when a girl comes out in 'the perfect dress' on 'Say Yes to the Dress.'
I occasionally let myself daydream about a wedding I'll probably never be able to have. My husband and I both work for ourselves and the economy has put some serious restraints on our spendable cash. I figure maybe by the time we're in our 60's we'll be able to afford a beautiful wedding, but by then, I'm not sure whether I'll be up for one. Spinal cord injury is known to take years off of ones life expectancy, so...well... we just won't even go there right now. Right now I am happy, healthy, and still in love with my husband after 13 years together. So I will just count my lucky stars and thank the heavens. Epictetus said, "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has."

Motivation Is Contagious...

2010-08-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

...so do your best to catch it and spread it around!

I love meeting motivated people and finding out what drives them. I know it sounds silly, but when I encounter a positive person, and realize they're excited about life too, it's like meeting a long lost friend -- a kindred spirit.
My most recent experience like this was with Chad. He is the dad of my son's fabulous girlfriend, Elizabeth; and we all met this past month when Beth and her family spent a week here at the beach. First let me say how much of a relief it was to find out her family is just as wonderfully quirky as our own. I immediately liked them. Perfect and "normal" people scare me because I know there's something funky going on when no one's looking. There were no airs being put on...they were just nice people with whom I enjoyed great conversation.

So back to the story. I quickly learned that Chad had lost about 85 pounds in the last year, as had Carol, his wife, who is teeny now- so it was hard to imagine her as anything but small.
Let me tell you why I was so motivated by Chad specifically. He's an IT guy (that translates into "computer geek" for those who are not computer geeks), so he's pretty much trapped in an office space most of the day. Many people would use that as an excuse for being inactive, but not Chad. He literally mapped out a path through what he refers to as "The Cube Farm" (through the offices and cubicles) - and began walking it every day -- 1 lap during a morning and an afternoon break, and 2 laps during lunch. It totals about 3 miles! So instead of being held back by what many would see as a stumbling block, he made stepping stones! I love this kind of thinking!
Even better is that other people, seeing him walking around every day, began to walk with him!
But wait...there's even more. The workers came together and joined a "pound for pound" challenge, losing pounds of weight and donating pounds of food to a food bank!
The story of Chad and the Cube Farm once again shows us all that we never know how far-reaching our actions can be, whether good or bad. Let's all do our best to send out waves of kindness, motivation, and positivity. Who knows what great things we can create!
***The photo at the top of this post is the actual map of The Cube Farm*** Thanks Chad!

The Same Road

2010-08-06T17:29:00.000-07:00

While striving for success as a public speaker, I teeter on the delicate balance beam between coming off as "over-confident" and allowing my insecurities to show. Having a strong, deeply real desire to help people find their own path to self-acceptance, success in life, and true joy, I worry about exposing my personal weaknesses for fear that I'll be viewed as some sort of fraud, leaving people wondering who the heck I think I am trying to guide them to a happier place when I have so many bumps on my own path to fulfillment.

It brings to mind the time when I was a new wife; I attended the church my (now ex) husband had been attending since he was 19 years old. The pastor was incredibly charismatic, in both senses of the word. One of his tag lines was "follow me as I follow Christ" and many did. Unfortunately he walked a treacherous path that ultimately led to not only the destruction of the church, but his marriage, and several peoples spiritual walks. We must each walk our own path.

It's because of this experience that I never suggest anyone "follow my lead" but rather, I extend my hand to any and all who might choose to walk beside me for a while, and hopefully as we share what life has taught us, we part ways having learned something positive. After all, we're on this crazy ride called life together, aren't we? Being the one who stands (or in my case, sits) in front of people and talks about these things, doesn't mean I'm better at life...it means I'm someone who feels comfortable sharing what I've learned (often the hard way) with others, in hopes that they might not fall into a hole I've gotten stuck in already, and thankfully managed to climb out of.
How far we travel in life matters far less than those we meet along the way, and unless it's God, or a Higher Power, we should never put anyone on a pedestal. Gloria Steinem once said, "A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space." I could not agree more.

Thoughtful Thursday!

2010-08-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

Today I'm going to try to do thoughtful things over and above what I might normally do.

The world seems to be getting a little meaner all the time, or maybe I'm just getting more sensitive in my middle-age! Haha!

Regardless, being nice is contagious. I'll often give a big, dorky smile to someone who looks like they're about to bite someone's head off, and seriously, 90% of the time their face breaks into a beautiful smile! I never stop being amazed at how different that one little act makes people look!

So here's some words from people much wiser than me...enjoy them and maybe smile, or commit some random act of kindness for a grumpy person today!

Scott Adams:
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

Aesop:
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

James M. Barrie:
Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.

William John Bennet:
A kind and compassionate act is often its own reward.

Henry Burton:
Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on; 'twas not given for thee alone, pass it on; Let it travel down the years, let it wipe another's tears, till in heaven the deed appears, pass it on.

Miguel de Cervantes:
Great persons are able to do great kindnesses.

Barbara De Angelis:
Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy.

Goethe:
Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch:
If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give.

Eric Hoffer:
Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind.

Washington Irving:
A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles.

Samuel Johnson:
Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:
I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heals our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other.

Harold Kushner:
When you carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, yes, this is how I ought to feel.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow:
Give what you have. To some one, it may be better than you dare to think.

Lao-Tse:
Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profundity.
Kindness in giving creates love.

Blaise Pascal:
Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.

Plato:
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Albert Schweitzer:
Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.

Seneca:
Wherever there is a human being there is an opportunity for kindness.

Mother Teresa:
Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

William Wordsworth:
The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless unremembered acts of kindness and of love.

Rewriting the Rules

2010-08-03T20:11:00.000-07:00

"The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

The other day, I heard someone quote that old rule, "Children should be seen and not heard" and it kind of surprised me that people are still using that in any way other than jokingly. In my opinion, children should be not only seen, but watched over with love, and listened to with care. We'd all be happier people if we stopped to enjoy the laughter of children more, or sat down with them and really heard what they were saying.
It's been my experience that kids often want to tell us more than they do, but they need to warm up to spilling the bigger stuff. As a mom I've learned (after much lecturing on my part) that the best conversations I've ever had with my son is when I shut my mouth, open my ears and my heart, and let him talk. Kids are so smart, and they know when you're really listening and genuinely want to hear what they have to say. When we open ourselves up to them, they'll open up to us.

So there's one "rule" I've rewritten.

Remember the "Never wear white after Labor Day" rule? Oy! I know Stacy & Clinton say to toss that rule out the window, but it's been so ingrained in me that Labor Day still finds me, year after year, packing away my whites until the first day of summer. I know! I know! I am such a dork!

What are some "rules" you think need to be broken? Or maybe you have some rules you think should NEVER be broken?
I'd love to see your input.

Self-expectations: The Good, The Bad, and The Impossible...

2010-07-31T22:25:00.000-07:00

Typically, having high self-expectations is seen as a positive character trait. It's admirable to set the bar high and strive to maintain a standard that reflects your aspirations in life; but sometimes we can create unwanted anxiety when we set the bar higher than we can realistically reach.

While I'm all for setting goals, it's important to keep in mind the delicate balance between not enough and too much. Most of us want to be the best we can be, myself included, and because of this I've pursued a life/career based on positivity and overcoming adversity.

Don't Just Survive...Thrive! is my motto!

But this has, from time to time, caused me to put expectations on myself to remain positive all the time.
While I enjoy being Little Miss Sunshine most days, I am no Pollyanna 24/7...no one is, and if they are, something's wrong. Even those in the most ideal and pleasant circumstances, with seemingly nary a trouble in the world and loads of money in the bank will get discouraged from time to time, for any variety of reasons. It's called "being human."
But because of the expectations I'd self-imposed (and perceived others had of me) I felt as if I were letting the world down if I had an off day. It was time to readjust what I was expecting from myself.

I know we've all heard the sayings like "Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars." (Les Brown) -- I've actually used that quote numerous times to try and motivate myself or others, but consistently setting unachievable expectations, only to miss the mark can lead to low self-esteem and feelings of failure. These emotions bring about nothing good. When we feel worthless, we're more likely to just give up completely before trying again.

Another perfect example was when I got it in my head that I was going to hit the gym every single day, 7 days a week. Now this may be an entirely attainable goal for some, but for many reasons it's just not something that's going to happen in my life. Week after week I "let myself down" because I only made it to the gym between 3-5 times, doing 1/2 hour of cardio and 1 hour of weight training. Did I forget that a little over 2 years ago I never went to the gym? Apparently so. Had I set a more reasonable goal, rather than set the extreme (for me) goal of 7 days a week, I'd have met and probably surpassed my expectations of myself, and felt good. Instead, I repeatedly beat myself up for missing the mark I'd set way too high in the first place.

I'm not saying we should set the bar low. Always set them high enough to challenge yourself, but recognize that delicate tipping point between high and unreasonable.
Goals are simply tools to focus your energy in positive directions; these can be changed as your priorities change, new ones added, and others dropped. As long as you're moving forward, you're going in the right direction.

Hello Blogger Friends!

2010-07-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to send out a quick hello, since I usually don't let this many days go between posts. The non-profit organization I'm involved with has been moving forward, full steam ahead, so I've been spending my writing time courting local celebrities to come and play in an exhibition basketball game for our big kick-off event. Did I mention that I've been busy at this WHILE making sure I meet looming deadlines? Anyway...next week I should have more time to ramble. Haha! Hope everyone is well. Have a lovely week!

Warmest Regards!

Michele

Blooming

2010-07-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

The reality of life is that we all start from different places, travel at different paces, and have different destinations. Despite these facts, many people constantly try to compare themselves to others in regards to where they are in their own lives.

Trying to measure ourselves up to others is like comparing the beauty of a daffodil to a daisy. Who's to say which bloom is more appealing? Better to celebrate the individual beauty of each one, and just be thankful they bloomed.

It's quite common for people to hit middle-age and begin reflecting on their lives, wishing they'd gone down roads that, at the time, seemed too bumpy to maneuver instead of opting for the shortcut. Sadly, many then feel it's too late to try again, and instead spend years being frustrated, disappointed, and resentful.
One of my favorite quotes for late bloomers is this: "There is an immeasurable distance between late and too late."

If you're breathing, it's not too late.

So what if you didn't go to college and get a fancy degree? So what if you've never worked outside the home? So what if you've had a troubled upbringing that never encouraged success?

You can bloom where you're planted.

Better to be the rogue flower bursting forth in the desert, than a tulip among a field of hundreds of thousands just alike- where it's difficult to be seen as an individual, and all the subtle nuances that create your own unique beauty get lost among the many.

A New Perspective

2010-07-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

Recently the city I live in expanded its roadways due to the ever-growing influx of tourists. One new road includes a very grand looking bridge that ends at Main St. and Highway 17 in North Myrtle Beach - the primary entryway into the heart of town.
Prior to this, the only way in came from either North or South on 17; this bridge comes to the intersection from the West.

It rises over the Intracoastal Waterway, cresting at about 60 feet above the water, and then slopes gently back down until you're approaching the intersection at close to sea-level. Driving this way for the first time, at the descent, I looked and wondered where the heck this bridge had led me, then realized with surprise that it was the intersection I'd driven through hundreds, if not thousands of times, but because of the new perspective, it looked completely different...and oddly, so much fresher. I laughed at myself and chalked my temporary feeling of being lost up to the fact that I am well-known for having a horrible sense of direction.

It was not long at all before I found out it wasn't just me. Seems everyone I talked to about the new bridge had the same moment of "where the heck?" - only to realize where they were.

It's all about perspective.

Today I read a blog written by my amazing niece, (is that how I refer to my nephew's wife?) where she questioned some things about herself. It perplexed me because honestly, from my perspective she's one of the most together, intelligent, beautiful (physically and spiritually) people I am proud to call "family."

I think many of us need to step outside of ourselves occasionally, and try as best we can to see not only who we are, but our problems, from a fresh perspective -- a new angle. People tend to see their own problems through a magnifying glass, but if we pan out and look at the big picture, there's a good chance we'll not only see more of how we got where we are, but also the pathway out. Another benefit of looking at the big picture? You give yourself the opportunity to look past what's gone wrong, and zoom in on what's going right. Too often we focus (with that dang magnifying glass again) on the negatives, so they become bigger and bigger, until they're obstructing our vision of all the good things jumping up and down, saying, "Look at us! Look at us!"

My sister was just telling me the other day how we, as individuals, look at everything we see through a lens that has been carved by our life experiences. I found this concept fascinating, and of course it brought me back to this idea on perspective I'd been tossing around since the bridge incident. It drove home in me, even more, how important it can be to get a fresh perspective from time to time.

Also, when you see someone else struggling, offer them your "lens." Let them know the positive things that can be seen in their lives from your perspective. Sometimes a little encouragement is all someone needs.

I challenge you to look at either a problem you've been facing, or a negative feeling you have about yourself, or someone in your life, from a fresh perspective. Change angles and look again. I bet it will surprise you how much fresher it looks this way.

Click here to visit Kelly's (my niece) blog "Half Jewish, fully worried"

A Little Love Story... ♥

2010-07-14T05:46:00.000-07:00

*Please forgive me for the lack of proper grammar or editing on this post...it is just me talking as if you were in my living room here.*

A lot of people ask me about this, so I thought I'd share it here.

Back in 1997, I was a divorced mom to my then 6 year old son, and at that point, had been in a wheelchair for 10 years. I worked for a company called Atlis Publishing -- no, not Atlas, Atlis, editing medical journals. Yes, it was a thrill a minute. (Not really.)

The last thing on my mind was a relationship.

Back then, everyone was using America Online for social networking, and I don't even think the phrase "social networking" was in use. Regardless, I had the standard profile, which listed my profession as "Editor" and would receive the occasional question about writing, to which I'd reply that I edited medical journals and was probably not the kind of "Editor" they were seeking. One such inquiry came from a guy who asked if I would just look over a little of the story he'd written, and if nothing else, give him my opinion as a reader. Since I was a voracious reader, I agreed.

It was really good and left me wanting to know what had happened to the main character, "Fully Wexler." In volleying back and forth over his story, I found out he lived in Myrtle Beach, SC, a place I'd enjoyed visiting several times since I have lots of family in the Carolinas. We ended up chatting online quite a bit, and at one point he sent me a funny photo of a recent sailing trip he'd been on. It was a ragtag group of guys on a boat, one of which was him, and I got a kick out of seeing it, and returned a photo of myself and my cousin on a recent trip to Deep Creek Lake, MD. I captioned the photo "Not bad for a crip chick, huh!" Since I was sure we'd discussed my disability briefly at some point and I tend to laugh, rather than cry, at some of the more tragic things in my life.
He replied, "What's that supposed to mean?" Then I put 2+2 together (I was actually reclining in a lounge chair in the photo, so no wheelchair!) and realized I hadn't talked about being disabled! Then I wondered why it mattered, or why I should disclose something so personal to a "stranger" -- but by then, was he still a "stranger"? Anyway, so I just went ahead and told him what had happened and that I'd been in a wheelchair ever since. He expressed that he was very sorry I'd had to go through something so difficult, then we moved on to another topic, and it wasn't brought up again.
Around Super Bowl time, he said he'd be in the Washington, DC area for a Super Bowl Party Weekend with some people he'd attended college with, and asked if I would like to finally meet face to face and have lunch. I agreed, but was a little hesitant to meet someone from the internet...it was all so new to me at the time. I told my sister all I knew about him, and when/where we were going to have lunch, just in case.
Then the day arrived, and when my doorbell rang, I went to it and before opening the door, jokingly asked, "Should I let you in? You don't have a gun, do you?" He laughed, and I opened the door, and at that moment, I literally felt my face burning with redness...I was BLUSHING! I offered him a seat, and then we just kind of sat there, staring at each other. It was so weird. *I am laughing while recounting this!*
To break the awkwardness, I asked him to come look at something on my computer in the other room, he pulled up a chair to my desk, and I was next to him, and then HE KISSED ME and it was like this huge EUREKA moment. It all suddenly hit me that I'd been falling in love with him all this time, but denying it, and apparently the feelings were mutual. I will say that a kiss was all that happened that day, as he is the most perfect gentleman in all the universe, but we've been "an item" ever since. I found out he'd researched all he could about spinal cord injury right after he found out I was disabled, because even though neither of us had expressed anything romantic, he'd already had a crush on me and wanted to find out all he may be getting into, falling for someone with my condition. I found this so touching, as I had been married to a man before, who met me after my accident and yet hardly ever asked me anything about being disabled.
We lived 7 hours driving time apart, so it wasn't always easy, but he drove to see me every chance he got. Even one time, around my 30th birthday, when my washing machine broke, he drove the 7 hours to fix it for me.
When he found out I hadn't been swimming since before my accident, and that I was now deathly afraid to, he took me to the pool, and picked me up, then slowly got in, holding me the entire time. He walked around, keeping me in his arms, while I became accustomed to how it all felt. Little by little, one trip to the pool at a time, he helped me shed my fears, and finally, I was SWIMMING and he was genuinely happy for me. He'd given me so much already, and now he'd given me back something I'd missed a lot.
This has been his way from the beginning, and still to this day. One by one, he gently helps me overcome my fears, never making me feel like a loser, or a scared baby; simply like someone who's being held up by love. He makes sure I know he's there to support me, while encouraging me to find my freedoms, defeat my demons, and live life to the fullest. There's so much more, but it's late, and I'm sleepy. Suffice to say, he and I are now living our "happily ever after."

21 Days to Positivity

2010-07-12T18:14:00.000-07:00

As is often the case with the internet, you read something, and that something leads you to another something, and so on...
Being the "information addict" that I am, this happens to me daily! Seriously, I think I'm one of the few people on the planet who absolutely adores doing research for any and every project, more than any other part of the process.

Today I was reading a blog post about being judgmental. It was on Gretchin Rubin's website, which I highly recommend to everyone. While reading, I saw a post from a woman who'd mentioned a 21 day "fast" from any negative speaking at all. I was intrigued. As anyone who's read my blog since the beginning, you know I had a childhood that was challenging, and ultimately left me with lots of insecurities to overcome and bad habits to break. One of those habits is speaking negatively about myself. I've made an effort recently to at least accept compliments graciously, instead of staring at the person as if they're out of their mind for saying something nice about me, followed by laughingly pointing out how wrong they are.

Anyway, I'm getting off course here.

I googled the pertinent words and sure enough, lots of folks have stepped up to the challenge and reported back some amazing results! This is right up my "be the best you can be" alley, so I'm taking the plunge publically, here on my blog so I have all of you wonderful people to be accountable to, and I hope some of you will come along for the ride.

The premise is simple: You cannot utter any negative language or complaints at all for 21 days. No matter what happens to you, no matter what other people say or do to you, you are not allowed to speak any negative words during those 21 days. That means self-talk, as well as what you say to others. If you catch yourself complaining or saying something negative, start over. Along the way, write down any changes you're experiencing that you feel are related to this project. Feel free to share them on my "Fake It Til You Make It" facebook wall, so we can discuss them, and compare notes. Here's a link.

If you want to join me in a 21 day fast from speaking negatively, please let me know in the comments section. I would love the company! Also, if you know of someone you think would enjoy this, or benefit from it, please send them here and we can get a big group going.
When you complete your 21 days, I will send you a beautiful, personalized "Certificate of Happiness" that can be framed and kept as a reminder to always do your best to avoid negative speaking.

Because I know so many without jobs at the moment...

2010-07-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

The other day I was reading about a man named Edwin C. Barnes. He was born in 1876 in Wisconsin, not to a wealthy or famous family. As a matter of fact, he was often referred to as a "tramp," (what we might call a "bum" these days) but Barnes had a big desire, and the determination to turn that desire into reality. He’d read about the things Thomas Edison was doing, and decided, uncompromisingly, that his future included working alongside the great inventor.

Instead of letting the obstacles between where he was and where he wanted to be get in his way, he went around them. He disregarded the fact that he had no money to take a train to Orange, NJ where Edison was, instead he rode on a freight car, dropping from the moving train when passing through the town. Neither did Barnes let the fact that he did not know Mr. Edison hold him back. He set his sights on what he wanted, and went forward with all intentions of attaining it. When he arrived in NJ, he went to Edison’s office, knocked on the door, and informed him he was there to be his associate, and that he was willing to start at the bottom and work his way up. His determination paid off. He got a job scrubbing floors and within 5 years had worked his way up, becoming a partner of Thomas Edison, and even a close friend over the long term. When Mr. Barnes passed away in 1952 in Bradenton, FL, he was a very wealthy man.

We can learn a few important lessons from the life of Edwin C. Barnes:

1. Think Big! Don’t hem and haw, always doubting or making excuses why you can’t do something. Decide what you want, make a plan, then set out to achieve your goal.

2. Step out in faith. Trust there will be pavement under each footfall and forge your own path.

3. Don’t let circumstances and details hold you back. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Be bold in all your endeavors.

4. No job is too small. Mr. Barnes started scrubbing floors. Instead of seeing it as “beneath” him, he saw it as a stepping stone to his ultimate goal.

So often in life we see stumbling blocks instead of stepping stones, and we tend to stay within our own self-imposed boundaries. The secret that the successful have found out, is that those amazing opportunities; those ‘once in a lifetime’ chances, are almost always found outside of our comfort zones. Can it be daunting to step out of bounds, leaving the safety of the familiar for the unknown? Absolutely. The potential rewards, however, are limitless once we stop limiting ourselves.

I'm my own what?

2010-07-09T21:00:00.000-07:00

-You Are Your Own Business Card-

The first time I read this line, it was one of those light bulb moments! Quite often, in one way or another, most of us have to market ourselves; to clients, to bosses, to prospective employers, etc...even if we're fortunate enough to not have to actively sell our skills, we're advertising what we're about with each interaction, no matter how insignificant it may be.

It always amazes me when I witness someone screaming obscenities and flipping the bird in traffic, and then see a bumper sticker on their car advertising their Christianity. Not exactly the person I'd want teaching my kid in Sunday School.

Now, don't get me wrong, I realize we're all human and none of us are perfect. I'm the first to point out my flaws to anyone within ear shot. The occasional four letter word escapes my lips, and we won't even talk about the things I want to say sometimes, but thankfully self-control wins out and I bite my tongue.

In my opinion, we need to have absolute boundaries for how we behave in regards to common decency and politeness. Just look around on any given day and you'll see society has become sadly lax in regards to people respecting one another and practicing good manners. Philosopher Eric Hoffer said it so eloquently: "Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."

Being a person who has to sell myself as a public speaker, a mentor, and an active member of my community, it's important to be on my best behavior every day; after all, we never know who we're interacting with, and when we may encounter them again in a more personal, or business setting. Who'd want to ask me to go encourage a person in the hospital if I went about with a scowl on my face all the time? How many invitations to give motivational talks do you think I'd get if I was overheard dropping "F" bombs while complaining about long lines in the grocery store, or seen giving the finger to tourists in traffic jams?

Shouldn't we strive to be the best we can be, even when no one is looking?
After all, there is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience, and no face more beautiful than one that wears a smile.

What does your 'business card' (your countenance, your behavior) say about you?

I'd love to read your thoughts and/or experiences, either good or bad, on this subject.

Five Question Friday Blog Hop!

2010-07-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

Five Question Friday:

Thanks to the ladies who came up with these great questions!

1. What is one food you could eat everyday?
In a perfect world where sugar and fat caused eternal youth and beauty; cupcakes.

2. Are you working in the career you thought you would be when you were 18?
Ah, no, which is a good thing since I was working on a career in being dead at that age.

3. What is something that you wish you would have done when you were younger and you didn't?
Met my husband and had a Duggar-like brood of kids!

4. What color are your kitchen walls?
1/2 off white *yawn* and 1/2 horrifyingly hideous blue pineapple wallpaper -- yeah, we bought a "fixer-upper" house and haven't yet "fixer-upped."

5. Do you remember what your very first favorite song was?
Yes! Amazingly I do! I played it on the jukebox in the "kid's room" at the Elks Lodge on Saturday nights, while my folks were in the "lounge." It was 1976, and the song was Frankie Valli "Oh What A Night"

~Detangling~

2010-07-08T06:50:00.000-07:00

I got a haircut yesterday. My hair had grown past my shoulders and since it's super baby fine, thin, and plagued by random waves that have no rhythm or flow to them, it was time to go a little shorter despite my husbands protests. It amazes me that a lot of men say they like long hair, even if that long hair looks like crap.

As an adult, I ran into a woman (on a good hair day) who'd lived next door to me when I was a little girl. She marveled at how smooth and shiny my hair was (as a child, my hair was a disaster) and then went on to remind me of the times she sat me down on our front stoop in Landover Hills and picked everything out of my hair from bubble gum and candy, to peanut butter and jelly, all while I protested loudly. I mean, what's a little food in the hair when there's roller skating to be done in the abandoned parking lot across from our duplex?

This little problem continued on after we moved from that neighborhood, and as I grew, so did the snarls. I would get a knot in the back near the neckline, and in order to avoid the pain of detangling, would smooth the top layer of my hair over it- every day. Before long, the snarl inevitably grew into a huge, matted clump that, despite my best efforts at concealing, made me look as if I had some strange tumor growing back there. Enter the detangler! My dad would sit me down in the family room with this frightening comb-like contraption that plugged into the wall and "gently" (according to the packaging) ripped worked the tangles from your hair. This was usually about a 30-45 minute procedure filled with tears from me, and yelling from my dad about how if I hadn't waited until it got so bad it wouldn't hurt so much, and he was right.

Ultimately, when the comb was unplugged and a mass of knotted snarls lay on the floor next to my dad, my hair was once again, smooth, silky, and tangle-free.

Wouldn't it just be easier if we worked out our knots in life before they grew to epic proportions, instead of waiting until they required dragging others in, and a long and painful production to get them straightened out?

One of the things I've added to my self-improvement list this year is to follow the advice of Barney Fife and be an active 'bud-nipper." If you're too young to know who or what I'm talking about, click here.

Sometimes I'm amazed at how long it took me to figure out that problems don't go away when you ignore them, quite the contrary.
Ah well - better to bloom late than never to bloom at all.

NIP IT!

Breaking Cycles

2010-07-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

As I posted before, over the past year I've been writing a book about staying positive in the face of adversity. Of course when one undertakes something like this, copious amounts of soul-searching is a part of the deal, whether we want it or not.

In light of things that happened with my parents (particularly my mom) when I was so young, I've often questioned whether she (and my Dad) loved me or not. Doesn't everyone at some point wonder this?

Are there people who've never, not even for a second, questioned the love of their mother or father?

Despite what I consider being rejected twice in my life by my mom, once at 12, and then again at 19, I must give her credit for all of the good things, too. From the time I was about 27 until she died when I was 35, she told me time and time again how sorry she was for leaving me behind as a child, and really tried to be the best mom she could. Now that I've been a mother for 19 years, I have conflicting emotions about it all. On one hand, I understand more what it is to struggle in one's own mind and make bad decisions that affect the people that love you; but on the other, I still can't grasp how she left me behind.
I had a 1st marriage that failed, but not ever for one split second did I consider leaving my son behind. I'd rather cut off my arms than do that, yet I can see where it all began because she was also abandoned as a child.

Probably until I was well into my 30's I worried about "becoming my mother." We hear that sort of stuff a lot; following in our parent's footsteps being inevitable and all that. I've even been accused of dwelling too much on the past, but my defense is:
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." ~George Santayana
What I've learned by pondering the past is to find the good things, embrace and emulate them, and recognize the bad so they don't become holes that wait to swallow you up.

I've come to the conclusion that I probably would have forgiven my mom for almost anything, because her self-loathing was evident to anyone who ever met her, and I truly believe that despite how much she hurt me, it could never measure up to how much she hurt herself. In the end, she destroyed herself from a combination of immense sadness, guilt, and desperation. I wish I'd been able to help her. God knows I tried, as did my sister and a few others, but the damage that set things in motion had been done long ago. What I could do was break the cycle. This blog, my book, my speaking; it's all a part of that process.

I hope I don't come across as being judgmental of my mom. I'd be lying if I said I've never felt angry towards her, but when all was said and done, I love/loved her deeply, and I was there with my head on her chest until her very last heartbeat.

God it's hard to type that.

I wanted her to know I was there, and for her to feel my love until the very end. I hope she knows I stayed. She was so fragile. I think I was always the strong one, and on some level she knew it, and she knew I'd be ok.

Mom, 40 years old

Mom & Grandma

Mom & her 2nd husband, whom some claim is my biological father, but that's another blog...

Things I've Learned From My Grandma

2010-07-05T11:52:00.000-07:00

My Grandma has been on my mind a lot lately. She's always been my role model of what a strong woman should be, having made a successful life for herself with nothing more than a 3rd grade education, a lot of determination, and good old-fashioned hard work.

Born in 'nineteen and twenty three' (the way she says it) - in Morehead City, NC, we used to have a joke in our family that Grandma would outlive us all, with the way she never seemed to tire, and could run circles around people half her age (including her younger boyfriend.) But she's slowed down quite a bit in the last few years, and it's difficult to see. She turned 87 this year.

So today I want to just list a few things I've learned from her, and maybe you can share something you learned from your amazing Grandma, too.

1. You're never too old to don a teeny bikini.
About 15 years ago, Grandma went on a diet and lost some extra pounds that she'd picked up from eating her delicious Magic Cookie Bars and Baked Ziti. Excited with her new figure, she said she wanted to get herself a bathing suit, so just for fun, I brought over a couple that had been collecting dust in my dresser since pre-pregnancy days. She chose the teeniest, hot pink bikini with silver accents, went back into her bedroom, then emerged in all her 72 year old glory wearing nothing but that swimsuit and white ankle socks!

2. You can be tough on the inside and yet soft on the outside.
Grandma lived through the Depression, came from a family of 9 children with very little money, lost her first husband when my Mom was only 2 years old, and drove a school bus for 23 years; so she's no shrinking violet, but despite how strong and hard-working she is, she's always taken the time for hugs, kisses, baking cookies, or just having a talk.

Here's a photo of my Mom and my Grandma:

3. Don't leave the house without at least a little lipstick. (OK, I prefer lip gloss, but you know what I mean.)
Her favorite color is pink. That should pretty much explain it.

4. A smile makes wrinkles disappear.
Seriously, my Grandma has the prettiest blue eyes I've ever seen, and when she smiles, they light up and the lines fade away into the background.

Here's a picture of her and my son taken last summer:

Tell me something about your awesome Grandma! ♥

Just accept Murphy's Law

2010-07-01T19:50:00.001-07:00

While holding down the button that puts the top of my convertible up and down, I realized that the day the motor controlling it decides to give out, I'll be in the car, with the top down, in a place with no cover to drive under, in a flash-flood inducing rainstorm. It's just the way life is. I've already mentally prepared myself for it, and the best I can hope for is to be wearing waterproof mascara that day.

Murphy's Law = "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong." But you know what? I laugh at Murphy's Law because I know something that not a lot of people know. Not only was Edward A. Murphy, Jr. a real person, but despite everything apparently going wrong for him all the time, he was a successful man! Imagine that - Mr. Gloom and Doom did well for himself!

Actually, I doubt he was gloomy at all, but I would assume he was incredibly hopeful since he was an aeronautical engineer who's primary job was to create new technology, then test it out to see how well it worked (or not.) Most likely he was optimistic about his creations being successful, but realistic in the fact that he knew not all would go as planned each time.

Things will never go the way we planned 100% of the time, and if you find everything is suddenly going exactly right, all the time, I'd start looking under the bed and over my shoulder!
The important thing is not to let unexpected setbacks in life drag us down. The most resilient people are the most successful, since they never give up.
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
~Helen Keller

I found this great little poem about not quitting, and liked it so much that I wanted to share it with everyone - so here it is:

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won if he'd stuck it out.
Don't give up, though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are -
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Author Unknown

The PROS and CONS of YOU!

2010-06-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

I've been writing a book for the last year or so.

OK, let me be honest; I've been writing a book for several years and just never felt like it was flowing the way it should, so I kept setting it aside. Then it hit me! I was writing the wrong book! I was putting all my energy into a work of fiction when I work best with reality. I mean, c'mon, it's my tag line for life. I'm a realistic optimist - yada yada yada...(If you haven't already, you can read my personal tag line for life on the left under the "About Me" section.)

Finally sometime last summer the light bulb over my head illuminated and I tossed the fiction aside and am now happily nearing a complete non-fiction manuscript! Yay!

While talking on the phone with my sister, I was telling her about a chapter in my book where I talk about the importance of truly knowing yourself; as it's necessary in order to begin the journey of self-improvement, and how a good start in that process is to write down a list of the Pros & Cons of YOU, being completely honest in all areas. In my experience, people tend to fall under one of three categories:

1. People who are unnecessarily hard on themselves.
2. People who are more satisfied with themselves than they probably should be.
3. People who claim they don't care to be bothered with all that "pop-psychology" stuff.

The ideal, in my humble opinion, is to get to a place somewhere between 1 & 2. We won't talk about the people who fall into the 3rd category. I'll let them and their shrinks work it out.

Ask anyone who really knows me and they'll tell you I have a tendency towards being very highly critical of myself, to the point of getting on the nerves of those who love me. In very limited doses, self-criticism can be a useful tool to keep us from getting complacent. The danger is that far too easily it becomes habitual, and destructive to our self-esteem. For the most part, I've learned to stop myself when I go into 'let's pick Michele apart' mode.

Writing down my Pros and Cons has been very helpful with seeing myself in a better light. Merely saying aloud what your good and bad points are just doesn't cut it though. The visual of seeing it, and reading it, as well as saying it aloud helps us to actually absorb it more.
If you think you could benefit from any of this, try it for a few days, or even better, a few weeks.

Get a pretty journal, or stationary that you like. Pretty paper and journals make me happy, I'm dorky that way, but that's another blog post.
On the first day, write down 5 things you like about yourself (my dorkiness is actually one of the things I like about myself) and 5 things you don't like about yourself.
This next step is very important in the process, so please don't skip it. Next to each thing you DON'T like about yourself, assess whether it's genuine. If it's something you've just gotten into the habit of picking on, like when I make fun of my nose, that's not really something to add, so cross it off.
My nose is what a few people would refer to as somewhat "ethnic" but considering I have a richly ethnic background, it's something I should embrace. It's a part of my heritage and something to be proud of. So I crossed that off of my list. I'll admit that I'm not at the point of actually adding it to my LIKE list, but hey, it's a start. Bottom line, make sure your DON'T LIKE list is valid.
Once you have your list of dislikes, look them over and decide if it's something that can be improved upon, or changed. If so, set about doing just that.

Every day after the first day, write down THREE things you like about yourself, and ONE thing you don't like. When you've finished that, look back at the previous entries and make a note of anything you've done to improve the things you don't like.
This plan can really help you to start appreciating your good points more, and stop focusing on your less than fabulous ones.

Please let me know if you plan to give this a shot, and report back how it's helped you! I look forward to hearing about your experiments! ♥

You Got a License for That Thing?

2010-06-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

"A Little Something From My Lighter Side..."

In 23 years of wheelchair-ing (I think I just made up a new word) through life, I've heard some interesting remarks regarding me and my chair, so I thought I'd share a few with you. Exciting, huh? You get to be disabled vicariously through me! WooHoo! Lucky you!

I guess I should start with the most popular, the ones that if I had a dollar for every time I heard them, I'd be blogging right now from a villa in Greece, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea... or in some brilliant but twisted geniuses la-bor-a-tory, having deviously experimental surgery to repair my spinal cord, so that I could then be a guest star on the Benny Hinn show!

1. You got a license for that thing?
Now, you'd think after more than 2 decades of hearing that pretty much weekly, I'd have some snarky reply, or just ignore people, but I just don't have it in me to let anyone down or make them think their quip is unoriginal, so I giggle as though I've never heard it, much less heard it 6 million times, and say something like, "Nope, and I don't have insurance either so watch out!"

2. Slow down or I'm gonna give you a speeding ticket!
I think I actually hear this more than the first one. Surprisingly, I don't even have to be rolling fast for someone to say it. Maybe I should comb my hair...perhaps the constant windblown mess is giving me the look of speed!

3. Wanna race for pink slips?
This is what people who've injured a leg and are temporarily using a wheelchair often say. It's their way of exhibiting camaraderie. You have to laugh because they're usually in a hospital issue clunker chair, as opposed to the $2500 glorified bicycle I roll in. (That's not even an electric or power chair! I avoid those because they'd encourage me to be lazy and I would probably be 6000 pounds.) Anyway, the old hospital loaner wheelchair against my sparkly turquoise, lightweight chair with purple wheels (yep, really) is like a scene from a 1950's drag strip, handicapped style! Which leads me to number 4...

4. I know how you feel.
This is another that I often hear from people who are temporarily wheelchair-bound. I smile and nod my head sympathetically, biting my tongue to keep from pointing out that 3 weeks and 23 years are a teeny bit different, but eh...ok. At least they've glimpsed what those of us who're lifetime wheelers experience, and I can appreciate that. They often ask me how long I will be in the chair, and when I say "forever" they usually flinch, then ask me what happened. This is when it gets fun because depending on how much caffeine I've had that day, the stories can get good. My favorites are when I say that I can't talk about it due to the terms of my probation... or when I nervously dart my eyes about, then begin to tell them of my secret life as a spy and how while I was scaling the walls of the Kremlin... but if I tell you more I'd have to kill you.

5. How do you go to the bathroom?
I roll there. C'mon people! Really? Is it polite conversation to ask people about their potty habits? Oy Vey!

6. Can you still have sex? (I'm being serious...I've been asked this by complete strangers.)
My standard reply is, "Is that a proposition?"

7. Did you get married before your accident?
This has got to be my favorite one...(not really, my sarcastic side has come out now) and I must explain that this question is almost always asked assuming I was married before, and that my long-suffering hubby was a saint for not high-tailing it to Georgia once he realized I was going to be damaged for life. And when I answer this one, saying that 'no' we met after my accident -- number 8 is sure to follow...

8. What a great guy! (Meaning my saint of a husband who married that poor little crippled girl.) They've obviously not spent the last 13 years with him! I am kidding here. He really is the sweetest guy I've ever known. He's long-suffering, putting up with my constant neurosis, creative whims, and flights of fancy moods. We started out as friends, and unbeknownst to me he had a crush and researched all about spinal cord injuries so he could understand more about my life. When I first introduced him to my son (who was 6 at the time) my sweet little one kicked him in the shin. In response, my now-husband said, "Do that again and you'll be sorry." My precious boy reared back to kick him, flung his tiny foot out, my big guy caught his ankle and made him plop solidly on his butt...they both broke out in laughter and have been going at each other in this manner for the past 13 years now. I'm so blessed to have him in my life, and I know it. I thank God daily for this big lug by my side.

Acceptance

2010-06-29T10:27:00.000-07:00

Although I consider myself a [non-denominational] Christian, I enjoy studying world religions, finding the many parallels they share, and gleaning bits of wisdom from all of them to apply to my own personal faith. One of my favorites is Taoism. I appreciate what I see as 'simple profundities' in their practices and meditations.
About a dozen years ago, a friend gave me a book called, "365 Tao - Daily Meditations" which despite it being meant as a year long collection of devotions, I devoured in about a week, happening upon a single paragraph that gave me an overall philosophy for my experience as a person with a lifelong disability:

'Acceptance does not mean fatalism. It does not mean capitulation to some slaughtering predestination. Those who follow Tao do not believe in being helpless. They believe in acting within the framework of circumstances.'

You see, in the movies and books, the person who cannot walk, refusing to accept the sentence of being crippled for life, almost always miraculously rises up from their wheelchair out of sheer determination and will.

Real life is rarely like the movies.

Back in the early 90's I was at a church that was nice enough for the most part, but at one point I was accosted by a group of people who wanted to lay hands on me and bring about a healing. They were actually pulling me hard, trying to get me up and out of my wheelchair, while I was doing my best to maintain politeness, and explain that I think I'd know if I'd been healed, and I'd rather not have to fall and break something to prove otherwise. When all was said and done and I wheeled back to my row in the congregation, I felt I'd let them down. I didn't wonder why God didn't heal me. I knew even back then that I was where I was for a reason that would fall under "the greater good" category. But being a people-pleaser usually knows no limits, so in my mind, I'd failed them all and should be ashamed of myself.

Society is so used to seeing unrealistic portrayals of people with disabilities thanks to the media and low-life television evangelists who stage "healings" every week. The following are actual statements people have made to me regarding my disability:

1. I would never let the disability win. I would just get right up out of that chair! ~Really? My spinal cord would like to make a $$$ bet with you.

2. If you just have enough faith, you'll stand right up and walk.
~And if I have enough faith, maybe the person saying this would have to live a week in my body...I won't hold my breath on either account.

3. You're not receiving a healing because you have unforgiven sin in your life. ~Wow. This gem came from a preacher. I guess he hadn't read the part in the Bible about Jesus dying for my sins.

Seriously, I think God's miracle in my life is bringing me through the first 30 years without me killing myself, and then going on to actually give me JOY, and to become what most people would consider a decent and contributing member of society.

He helped me to 'act within the framework of my circumstances.' I didn't just passively accept that I would live out my life unable to walk. I acted on what had happened, using it as both a lesson to myself and to others.
Remember, I always refer to myself as a 'realistic optimist' -- sure the glass is half full, but maybe not full of something you want to drink...but nonetheless, there it is. Better to act on it rather than sitting there staring at it, waiting for it to change into something sweet to drink.

I'd love to hear other peoples opinions on incorporating bits and pieces from world religions into your own walk (or roll) through life. Thanks for reading my rantings. :)

Talk Less - Listen More

2010-06-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."

Confused? Yeah, me too!

Want to be a better parent, spouse, or friend? Talk less, listen more. That's it. Four words and you didn't have to spend any money on a book, counselor, or parenting class. Not many things say "I love you" more than giving your time and undivided attention to someone. It sounds a lot easier than it actually is.
Especially in today's high tech society, we often half-listen to people while our cell phone is chirping at us; or we nod and say "mm hmm" while we're simultaneously thinking; 'what can I make for dinner tonight?, I wonder if I turned the coffee maker off this morning...why is she wearing chartreuse, doesn't she know her complexion is too sallow for chartreuse?'

Lack of good communication can lead to a whole host of marital problems, and even more frightening, when we're too "busy" to _really, truly, deeply listen_ to our kids, we could miss some major signals that they're either consciously, or unconsciously wanting us to know about their lives. Kids will often speak in roundabout ways, waiting for parents to solve the puzzle and realize that they need our help with a situation they've found themselves in. God forbid we're too busy blogging, texting, or worrying about the house being a mess, and fail to be there when they need us. Another problem that can interfere with 'active' listening is thinking you already know where the other person is going. Sure, sometimes you do, but not always. Better to pay attention and be positive. Particularly with intimate relationships this can be problematic. We're so used to hearing that person talk, and we often think we know them, inside and out, but if that were true in all cases, I doubt the divorce rate would be as high as it is.

Just to let you know, I'm speaking to myself as much as anyone else. I'm ashamed to admit that I've been guilty of absentmindedly pretending to listen while my son was talking, only to find out later there was a problem that could have been nipped in the bud, had I been actively listening. Important to keep in mind is that listening is not just done with the ears. It's watching body language, keeping eye contact, looking for signals or unexpressed emotions. Connecting physically can really enhance your listening and tune you into what the other person wants you to hear. Take their hands in yours while they talk. This simple form of contact makes it much more difficult for your mind to wander, and at the same time it shows the person talking that you truly care what they have to say.

Repeat key points back, saying something like, "I want to make sure I'm understanding you, so what you're saying is, _________________?" Again, this shows the speaker that you care enough to want to be sure you're 'getting' what they're expressing, and if not, you've just given them an opportunity to clarify themselves.

I think the Indian Philosopher, Jiddu Krishnamurti says it beautifully: "So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.

Life is Unpredictable - Take Lots of Pictures!

2010-06-26T19:36:00.000-07:00

I know I've mentioned this in previous blogs, but in case there are folks reading who haven't read back that far, on some subconscious level I'm pretty sure that I thought the motorcycle accident, which left me a paraplegic in 1987, filled some mysterious accident quota for my lifetime. The car accident on March 15 of this year proved otherwise. It also taught me something I should have already been actively aware of; just because I'm following the rules of traffic, does not mean everyone else sharing the road with me is. OK...another lesson learned the hard way, but at least I'm still here, right? Yay!

With just a split second one way or another, it might not have turned out this well. Thinking about what I could have left behind is overwhelming, so I've tried not to go down that path much, but in one respect it shined some light on an issue I've had for many years...

I hate having my picture taken.

I'm probably preaching to the choir here. Lots of people, especially women, feel the same for a variety of reasons. Mine are as follows; for a few years I was very overweight, but even once I lost most of it, I've still struggled with a very stubborn, clinging like a tick on my dog, last 10-13 pounds, and I've never liked my nose. I'm not wild about my arms either, because they're more muscular than what I consider feminine, but that's just a part of being an active paraplegic; my arms take over where my legs can't.

These issues have had me hiding from cameras for years. When I came close to leaving this earth recently, I realized my son would have had very few decent photographs of me, and almost no video. How very selfish I'd behaved all that time.

Seriously, if I were still very overweight, or if my nose were even bigger than it already is, it's still the "visual me" that my son and loved ones knew/know, and I'm pretty sure they like me, and would appreciate some decent photos. Who am I to take memories away from my kid, and future grandchildren and great-grandchildren who may someday want to see what that crazy old grandma they'd heard so much about looked like.

So my newest quest (because it's not like I'm getting any younger, cuter, or skinnier) is to allow pictures to be taken anytime, regardless of my hair being a mess, my tummy feeling "poochy" that day, or having missed my eyebrow waxing appointment, I will smile, genuinely, and keep in mind that I'm preserving a memory for someone who loves me.

Just to prove it...here is a picture from yesterday, riding with the top down, no makeup, hair a mess, but SMILING!

Free Friday!

2010-06-25T21:27:00.000-07:00

I'm one of those people who believe in the "healthy mind/healthy body" connection, so I don't eat a lot of refined sugars, etc...

BUT, everyone needs to have a little fun now and then, right? So I implemented "Free Fridays" at our home! WooHoo!

Each Friday I choose something decadent to make, and I allow myself to eat a serving (or two) of it. Today was so far beyond decadent...it bordered on debauchery!

I present to you...

Coconut Cupcakes!

Here's the recipe I used:

From The Barefoot Contessa, Ina Garten

Ingredients

* 3/4 pound (3 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
* 2 cups sugar
* 5 extra-large eggs at room temperature
* 1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
* 1 1/2 teaspoons pure almond extract
* 3 cups flour
* 1 teaspoon baking powder
* 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
* 1 cup buttermilk
* 14 ounces sweetened, shredded coconut

For the frosting:

* 1 pound cream cheese at room temperature
* 3/4 pound (3 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
* 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
* 1/2 teaspoon pure almond extract
* 1 1/2 pounds confectioners' sugar, sifted

Directions

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugar on high speed until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. With the mixer on low speed, add the eggs, 1 at a time, scraping down the bowl after each addition. Add the vanilla and almond extracts and mix well.

In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In 3 parts, alternately add the dry ingredients and the buttermilk to the batter, beginning and ending with the dry. Mix until just combined. Fold in 7 ounces of coconut.

Line a muffin pan with paper liners. Fill each liner to the top with batter. Bake for 25 to 35 minutes, until the tops are brown and a toothpick comes out clean. Allow to cool in the pan for 15 minutes. Remove to a baking rack and cool completely.

Meanwhile, make the frosting. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, on low speed, cream together the cream cheese, butter, and vanilla and almond extracts. Add the confectioners' sugar and mix until smooth.

Frost the cupcakes and sprinkle with the remaining coconut.

My Personal Commandments

2010-06-24T17:19:00.000-07:00

Along the same lines as my "Truths" blog from yesterday, I thought I'd share a wonderful idea I got from Gretchen Rubin and her book "The Happiness Project."

I highly recommend this book. What's funny is that I almost didn't read it because as I often do before I read something, I researched it a little on amazon and checked out her website, then wondered what in the world can I, with all my past baggage, trials and tribulations, learn from a woman who seems to have had it easy most of her life. Then I realized I was being ridiculous, since we can all learn something from one another, and I read the book.

Glad I did! I enjoyed it from beginning to end, so much so that it earned a spot on my "special bookshelf" where I place books I plan to keep in my personal collection, rather than passing on (which I must do with most so books don't take over my home!)

Anyway, back to what I want this blog to be about today. One of the things to do when you begin your own Happiness Project is to make a list of personal commandments. I loved doing this! Being a compulsive list-maker, this was right up my alley, but beyond the satisfaction of simply writing things down, I found myself turning inward and really contemplating what was important enough to me to become a "commandment."

Here's what I came up with:

1. Trust God.

2. Be me.

3. Accept compliments graciously.

4. Talk less & listen more.

5. Don't assume things.

6. Always be there when my son or husband need me.

7. Prune toxic relationships and nourish healthy ones.

8. Roll with the punches.

9. Give for the right reasons.

10. Practice kindness daily.

If you decide to do your own List of Personal Commandments, consider sharing them. I'd love to see what others come up with.

A Few Important Truths

2010-06-23T17:30:00.000-07:00

1. Don't take to heart what people who constantly criticize you have to say.

~I've found that the most critical people are usually the most self-loathing. They either consciously or unconsciously magnify flaws in others so their own seem small in comparison. Sometimes people have been hyper-critical for so long that they don't even realize how they negatively affect others. If you suspect this may be the case with someone you know, and you'd like to preserve the relationship, consider just asking them why they feel the way they do. You may just stump them.

2. If someone gossips TO you, they'll probably gossip ABOUT you.

~It's the nature of the gossip monster. Just don't feed it.

3. Words are incredibly powerful. One cruel remark can hurt someone for life.

~We've all had something hurled at us that pops back into our heads time and time again. Don't be a person who plants a bad seed.

4. The fewer possessions you have, the more they do for you.

~When I was 17, a roommate stole all the clothing I had except what was on my back. As I slowly replaced items, and I mean s-l-o-w-l-y, because I had no money to speak of, you'd better believe I cared for each cheap t-shirt and pair of shorts as if they'd been purchased on Rodeo Drive. Now, having been married and living in the same house for quite a few years, I've accumulated too much 'stuff' and it makes me feel overwhelmed. Recently I started downsizing and it feels so good every time I get rid of another box of needless 'stuff'.

5. Revenge is for petty people.

~King Solomon said, "It is the glory of a man to pass by an offense." Seeking revenge puts us down at the same level as those who wronged us. By letting either justice or karma work it out, we elevate ourselves above our offender, which probably irritates him/her to no end.

6. It's harder to burn calories than to not consume them in the first place.

~Trust me on this one. I never even noticed I was gaining weight back in the early 2000's -- that's how easy it was! Conversely, it took me a lot of time and a ton of sweat to lose it.

7.. Everyone is carrying a cross. Some just don't show as much as others.

~If you ask anyone who knows my husband to describe him in one word, it would most likely be one of the following: goofy, funny, happy, outgoing, friendly, kind, giving... get the picture? He's a super nice guy with an awesome sense of humor. Only a few people realize he'd lost his entire family by the time he was 6 years old. First his mom to cancer when he was just a toddler, then his stepmom, 2 older brothers and baby sister all in one car accident where he was the only survivor, and finally, shortly after the accident, his dad to a heart attack. I think it's why he's so understanding of my past and where I came from. He knows about suffering and loss. More importantly, he knows about the joy of living.
We tend to think everything shows on our surfaces when in reality, we hide it well most of the time. Keep this in mind, especially when dealing with people who seem angry, rude, or defensive for no apparent reason. Their cross may be especially heavy that day.

Please share some of your truths with me. :)

Silly Meaningless Things I'm Thankful For Today!

2010-06-22T17:24:00.000-07:00

Diet Coke	Converse sneakers in multitudes of colors to match my moods.
Hoop Earrings	Dark Chocolate Hershey Kisses
Colors!	Goody Spin Pins (gushing over these things!)
Almonds	My fat, mean cat Waffles.
The frogs that eat the mosquitoes in the carport at night.	The Nintendo DS my son gave me! Woot! I rock at Super Mario DS!

Letting Go - Moving On

2010-06-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

I stood in the center of the driveway, defiantly. We locked eyes, her behind the wheel of her car, me, in too tight jeans and top, bursting with the kind of rage only a desperately hurting, motherless 14 year old girl could summon. She angrily honked the horn and began to move forward, and I glared before sulking out of her way. She'd already won anyway. She was my dad's new girlfriend, and even though I was young, I knew this was more serious than the string of other women he'd dated...and this one didn't try to pretend she liked me. She was different than the others.

About a year later, the house I'd grown up in was for sale, and my belongings thrown into garbage bags in the back of my dad's pickup truck. He asked me where I wanted to be dropped off. I was being evicted at 15 years old.

Just like my mom had seen me as disposable 3 years earlier, so now had I become the throwaway kid to my dad. I mean, what choice did he have? He was about to marry a woman who disliked me from the first meeting in the driveway.

Don't feel sorry for me yet. I was a full blown drug addict. A little bit of whatever, mostly cocaine. I weighed about 85 pounds and kept company with a 27 year old drug dealer who drove a Harley. I guess my dad had liked him well enough though, since once when "Billy" had come to pick me up, it had just started raining, and my dad tossed his car keys to him, telling him we needed to stay dry. As if me getting wet was all he should have worried about. "Billy" introduced me to freebasing coke that night, so now I had a faster way to kill myself than merely snorting lines. He also made me feel beautiful, the way he loved taking photos of me.

I was so incredibly lost.

When I find myself feeling old resentments popping up from so many years ago, I try to keep in mind a quote from Maya Angelou; "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better." I know that my mom apologized to me, several years before her death, and I know my dad wishes he could have handled the situation better, but they did what they knew to do at the time.

I've spent the last 25+ years trying to "take back" the bad impression I made on the woman who became my stepmom, but most of the time, she still seems to see me as the angry 14 year girl defiantly standing in the driveway. I did then what I knew to do...
I know better now...but some people never forget, or forgive, and that's ok. Every now and then there's a glimpse of the relationship we could have had, and it brings me both joy and pain. We all want to be loved, especially by those we call 'family'.
Sometimes though, we have to just accept that there will be people who won't forgive us for a wrong, whether real or imagined. I've done all I can to ensure that her dislike for me is no longer justified, but I fear it will never be enough, and I've had to put down that burden.

I say it often because it's worth repeating: Life is too short, sweet,and precious to hang onto anger and resentment. We need to release those heavy loads so we can spryly move forward. Is it difficult to let go? Sometimes, yes-- and every now and then you'll find that somewhere along the road, you've unwittingly picked that burden back up and it's weighing you down. You may have to drop it several times before you lose it for good. Try to remember that forgiveness is primarily for our own sake, so we no longer carry the burden of resentment, and forgiving does not mean we will continue to allow injustice.

I share my experiences hoping it helps someone else, and because it helps me to appreciate the life I have now that much more.

One of those days...

2010-06-18T12:41:00.000-07:00

People often ask me what my secret is. They want to know how I continue smiling and being upbeat and positive, full of hope, when so much has gone wrong in my life. Most days I'm just so thankful to be here, experiencing this beautifully amazing ride we call life, that I can barely contain myself from gushing all the ways I find joy and enthusiasm for living.

Then there are days like today; days that challenge me to put my money where my mouth is.

As many of you know, after spending the last 23 years in a wheelchair in amazingly good health considering all that could have gone wrong, I was t-boned (for lack of a better term) on March 15th while driving home from the gym, by a woman who ran a red light.
This shook my resolve, but thankfully, only briefly, then I was back on course and setting my sights on the light at the end of that dark tunnel.

Today's challenge began with a letter from my attorney, stating that despite many attempts to rework the numbers, there just will not be enough money to cover my bills, much less leave me anything for my pain and suffering.

I was sitting there reading this, trying to find a way to wrap my brain around the fact that a woman was texting on her phone, ran a red light, almost killed me, caused me to have to undergo blood transfusions, surgery, and months of recovery, to end up with a leg that, although thankfully healed, will never be the same, and in the doctors own words, will cause pain the rest of my life. I'm trying to digest the 'hows' and 'whys' -- It thought I did all the right things.

I had/have full coverage auto insurance with extra coverage for underinsured motorists, which she was.
I have health insurance, albeit, nothing fancy, but something nonetheless.
There were about 10 witnesses to the accident, so there's no dispute as to what happened.

Why am I still getting shafted? What's wrong with the system in this country? Why is this woman not in jail?

You see...I could really get caught up in this never-ending cycle of questions, and rage at the injustice of it all, but to what end?

***deep breath***

Know what? In the grand scheme, does any of this matter? Not really. I've been on a tight budget my entire life, so I'll make it. Most importantly, my son still has his mom, my husband still has his wife, and my sister still has her best friend forever. God brought me through another trial, and kept the flame in my heart alive. I have to believe that there's a reason for all that happens, and that I'm meant to bring hope to people through my story. When I step back and look at the big picture...

Surviving childhood sexual abuse, abandonment, drug addiction, suicide attempt, spinal cord injury...I mean really...I was able to overcome all of these things so in comparison this is nothing more than a tiny wrinkle on the map of my life.

I'll be ok. :)

Bedroom Oasis

2010-06-16T18:13:00.000-07:00

The bedroom is the first place you see in the morning and the last place you see at night. It's a place for relaxing, dreaming, and loving. Many people don't realize how important it is to keep the bedroom sacred, much like a temple. The reason for this is that you don't want to carry any of the 'world' into this place of peace. Of all the rooms in the home, this should be the one where you can escape the pressures of the day.

You can't walk into your bedroom, have to move a pile of unfolded laundry, shoo the dog out, and then see a stack of bills on your nightstand and not feel some level of anxiety. Don't we have enough to deal with all day? Shouldn't we all have one place in this world where we can breathe a sigh of relief and just...be? The answer, in my humble opinion, is a resounding YES! The best part is that you don't need to have lots of money, fancy furnishings, or a feng shui expert to accomplish this. I do lots of my decorating by shopping at thrift stores, consignment shops, and best of all, vintage hand-me-downs from my Mom-in-law and my Grandma.

Simply by doing a little housekeeping, then following a few easy rules, anyone can turn their bedroom into a boudoir.

Here's my basic plan...hope it helps someone.

1. Clean your room. Yes, I know this is stressful to read, but trust me...it's worth it. Just do it right once, and the upkeep is easy if you follow the plan. Vacuum, dust, and throw away- or find new places/homes for clutter. Clutter is the enemy of a peaceful house, and even more so the bedroom! Also, make your bed every day...even if it's just throwing the duvet over the rumpled sheets (the best I manage.) It really makes a difference in how the room feels. Trust me, try it!

2. Get throw pillows, lots of them- for reclining, reading in bed, putting your feet up, etc...and simple, clean sheets, with throws and blankets you love. Get rid of anything scratchy, loud, and in my opinion, not made from 100% natural fibers.

3. Change your light bulbs to soft light, or consider a dimmer switch.

4. Set the mood with scented candles. Avoid cloying or over-powering scents. Stick to light, classic scents like vanilla or lavender. If you don't want candles in your room for safety purposes, consider a Scentsy. I received one as a gift last Christmas and love it so much! I'm pretty sure you can buy these sorts of wax warmers in lots of places, probably for cheaper than the brand name one.

None of the following should be allowed in the bedroom:

a. Arguments, or talk about bills, work, deadlines, carpools, gossip of any sort...you get the picture, right?

b. Speaking of pictures, lots of experts agree that family photos should be saved for the family rooms. Glancing at a picture of great-grandma could lead to worrisome thoughts of her health, etc...

c. No pets in the bedroom. This one was difficult for us because we have 3 dogs and a cat, all of whom love to stay underfoot; but I can tell you from experience that banning them from the bedroom increased the peacefulness dramatically.

d. Instead of TV to numb your mind into sleep, consider a small, indoor fountain, or a CD of relaxing music as a lullaby.

By following this, or a similar plan to create a peaceful space in your home, you'll probably fall asleep faster, and enjoy better quality sleep, so you can wake up feeling more refreshed and ready to face a new day. It's small changes in ones life such as these that, little by little, increase the overall quality of living.

Now I'm off to bed...G'nite!

Life is funny sometimes...so point at it and laugh!

2010-06-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

A little levity today...and a lesson in just embracing those less than awesome moments in life, and laughing at them.

I thought I'd share some of the more 'stellar' moments of my life in a wheelchair, just a few, because to try and remember all the times I've looked like a dork over the past 23 years would take me another 23 years.

Might just as well start at the beginning. It was the first time I was allowed to leave the rehabilitation center after the accident in 1987 that caused my paralysis, so I was obviously new to the whole 'wheelchair/spinal cord injury' scene. I was only on an afternoon pass, and this was somewhat monumental since it was my first public outing with wheels. We went to a restaurant for lunch, and ended up waiting in the hostess area for a bit due to the large crowd of Sunday diners. The longer I sat still, not pushing myself around, the more cramped up I began to feel and my legs started having spasms, trying to kick straight out in front of me, but I kept placing my hand on them, holding them down so I didn't freak people out.
Finally, a table opened up and we began to follow the hostess into the dining area, when my right leg had a hard spasm, and kicked out straight in front of me, unfortunately sending my shoe flying across the restaurant, where it less than delicately landed on a table where several senior citizens were eating. Suffice to say they were not amused, thinking I'd done it on purpose. With a red face and a vow to never again venture out in public, I retrieved my shoe, and apologized.
* For those who don't already know this, it's not unusual for paralyzed limbs to have muscle spasms and shake or kick out. Many take medicine to control this, I just deal with it and look at it as "exercise" for my legs.

Obviously I got over it, and even dared to go out into the world again. And a few years later I learned that I didn't even need to leave my house to be mortified.

By this time I was married, and the hubster and I decided to order a pizza from Domino's. My better half was busy when the delivery guy showed up, so- no problem, I grabbed my wallet and answered the door. He turned the box to show me the total due, not saying a word, and then he gestured again and I realized he was hearing impaired...good on Domino's for being an equal opportunity employer! I was feeling a bit of kinship, knowing that he knew what it was like to live with a disability, when disastrously, this was a moment in time when my leg decided to make itself a solo act again, and it kicked out in a rigid spasm, landing square in the delivery man's crotch. I backed my chair away from him at the speed of light, to put distance between his nether regions and my fresh foot, and began apologizing, knowing he couldn't hear, praying he could read lips. I motioned for him to keep the change, a larger than necessary tip, and he didn't argue, just turned to go. I did call the Domino's and asked them to make sure he understood what had happened. The manager on the phone assured me all was well, although we never saw that same delivery man again.

Lastly, just so you'll know that not all of my foibles involve my disability...when my son was small I learned the embarrassing way not to let him walk around naked all the time just because he wanted to. He was so funny, he'd stand there talking to anyone, in all his 7 year old glory, hands on hips, buck nekkid, as we like to say around here.
Around this au naturel time, he'd also taking a liking to crawling into the metal cage/dog crate we used for training our dog. He was combining these two habits one day when the doorbell rang. I can't quite explain to you the feeling that grips you by the throat when you realize that your kid is naked in a dog cage and someone is at the door. Thankfully, it was my neighbor, Waneen (a whole 'nother story) -- and seeing him in that state didn't seem to faze her (if you knew Waneen, this wouldn't surprise you.)
BUT, I did sit down that afternoon and have a talk with my son about being naked all the time and locking himself into the dog cage. I'm happy to report that today he's a healthy, almost 19 year old young man who does not, to the best of my knowledge, run around naked or spend time in dog cages.

Body Acceptance - The Path of MOST Resistance?

2010-06-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

Every man is the builder of a temple called his body. ~Henry David Thoreau

If you follow my blog, you may begin to notice that different slants of the same subject (body acceptance/body image) pop up again and again. This is due to my own lifelong struggles with the mirror...after all, to teach is to learn twice, so I'll keep trying and hopefully it will stick for good one day.

For the most part, I consider myself a confident woman, but like so many, I still struggle with body image. You may assume I wrestle with this issue because I'm a wheelchair user, but surprisingly, I've dealt with that long ago and although of course it can be, literally, a pain in the butt to sit 16+ hours a day, it's not what challenges my confidence.

Throughout my life, from puberty to now perimenopause, I've launched salvos of judgment at my reflection, while I seem to be deaf to compliments and have bionic hearing for criticisms.

I'm five feet tall (should the word "tall" even make an appearance in this sentence?)
I've been overweight and underweight and thankfully now I've learned what's healthy and I hover at average, but the number is not what really matters. I know this because even when I was underweight, I still saw chubby cheeks, a poochy belly, and thick thighs.

See the complete and utter weirdness here? I'm 'OK' with being in a wheelchair, but have struggled most of my life with the fact that I'm a curvy gal with boobs, hips, and a butt. (All three of which my husband has assured me he's more than happy with.)
Unfortunately, I'm not alone. Here are some startling statistics to mull over:

• 20 years ago models weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today, they weigh 23% less.

• The average American woman is 5'4" and weighs between 140-160 pounds. The average American model is 5'11" and weighs 117 pounds.

• An estimated 40-50% of American women are trying to lose weight at any point in time.

• A study found that 53% of 13 year old American girls are unhappy with their bodies. This number grows to 78% by the time girls reach 17.

All of this while a study in 2009 showed that American women are getting larger, with 62% being in the "overweight" category according to BMI charts. Even though many of us understand basic psychology enough to know that negative attention creates negative behaviors, it's clear that many are not putting it into everyday practice.
My solution has been to seek out constructive ways to reinforce a positive body image. Obviously I'm not completely convinced yet, but the fact that I'm striving towards acceptance is a plus. I won't give up...anyone who knows me will tell you I'm too stubborn for that.

Here are 5 steps I've found helpful in my journey towards a healthy body image:

1. Appreciate all that your body can do. Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you.

2. Keep a top-10 list of things you like about yourself -- things that aren't related to how much you weigh or what you look like.

3. Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of body. Remind yourself that true beauty goes beyond appearances.

4. Look at yourself as a whole person. When you see yourself in the mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts.

5. Wear clothes that are comfortable and that make you feel good about your body. Work with your body, not against it.

I hope that as I help myself on this topic, I'm helping someone else along the way. Please feel free to share your thoughts or experiences.

You are (here) •

2010-06-14T20:16:00.001-07:00

When you step into a mall you've never been to before, it helps to look at the directory or map, specifically if there's somewhere in particular you're wanting to go. Now of course, if you have no set destination, you can wander around aimlessly wasting time. Sometimes that's fun, and you never know what you'll run into, but more often than not you'll end up tired, discombobulated, and more than likely having spent too much money on things you really didn't need anyway.

This situation can also be applied in our lives. Not only does it help to know where we're going, through setting goals and mapping out how we plan to reach them, but we must know, first and foremost, where we are when we're starting out. I think this key point gets lost in translation a lot when people set a course. Often we just see where we want to be, and aim for that place. Sure you can get there this way, but if you know your starting point beforehand, it makes it easier to figure out the shortest distance from A to B.

Stick with me here...this concept kind of goes back to my "Life is now" post. We have to sync up the route towards our goals with where we truly are right now, not where we wish we were. Acknowledging who we are right now gives us the best chance for success in reaching our goals. While we should always be striving to be better people- being honest with ourselves about who we are at this moment in time helps us start out from a place of respect for our situation and, most importantly, ourselves. Traveling from this solid place helps us reach our goals more easily and quicker, with less struggling through rough terrain because we're less likely to be plagued by self-doubt, fears, or pressures to try to live up to where we'd have preferred to start out.

Most importantly is to remember that none of us are perfect, and that's not only 'OK' but it's the human condition...it's normal. When you aim for perfection, you'll discover it's a moving target. We'll always wander a bit, get distracted, and even stumble while trying to reach our goals, but when we do, we square our shoulders, line up our sights, and soldier on.

Every Stripper...

2010-06-12T17:01:00.002-07:00

Every stripper, before she was a stripper, was someone's little girl. ~Tim Dorsey

This quote really struck a nerve with me. It reminded me of a conversation I had about 15 years ago- with a pastor who was trying to explain to me why I didn't view God in the right way. He said, "You're thinking of God (the Father) the way you think of your own father." I looked at him quizzically, so he went on to further explain, "Your own father has never shown you the kind of unconditional love you desire. He's always made you feel as though you'll never be good enough. So you expect the same from God. Until you realize that one has nothing to do with the other, you'll never be able to fully accept God's love."

Wow.

He was absolutely right. I did think of God as some meanie in the sky, always disappointed in me, denying His parentage, waiting for me to screw up so He could rub it in my face.

The relationship between a father and daughter is so delicate and complex. If properly nurtured, a dad can provide a solid foundation on which his little girl can walk from childhood into healthy and happy womanhood. Alternately, if not handled with care, that foundation can become a shifting pit of quicksand into which she sinks.

I'd love to round up every dad with a daughter(s) in the world, and implore them to please LOVE LOVE LOVE their little girls and their big girls. I'd tell fathers to let them know that the stars shine in their eyes, and that no matter what happens, dad's love will never waver.

Studies, and society in general has shown us what can happen when a girl has little to no positive interaction with her father. Frequently she'll seek approval relentlessly, and in the most negative places, from the multitudes of bottom dwellers that are more than happy to take advantage of an emotionally needy female.

In a 2002 study involving more than 1000 prostitutes, 81% reported having had either a bad, or no relationship with their fathers, and 59% of them reported growing up in a home where their father was not present.

Here are a few more father stats to consider:

•Girls with a healthy father-daughter relationship have higher self-esteem, are more likely to get along with people, and seek higher education.

•Girls with fathers who are actively involved in their life show higher English and math skills, as well as having a higher IQ.

•Girls with involved dads tend to be more determined, more successful in school, more self-nurturing, more independent, and are less likely to have abusive relationships.

•Dads that are loving tend to have daughters that are less likely to try drugs, and less likely to be truant or delinquent.

With numbers like these, why leave anything to chance when it comes to precious little girls?
Here's some excellent reading from Joe Kelly on the subject of Dads & Daughters:
http://dadsanddaughters.blogspot.com/

Stat sources:
*www.icasa.org
*Healing Hearts & Families 2008

Beyond Stereotypes...

2010-06-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I use the word "cripple" in this post, so if it offends you, stop reading. I feel like I can use this only in reference to myself, since I am a person living with a disability and it does not make me uncomfortable. I would never use it on someone else without knowing fully that they were ok with it as well. If anything, I like the fact that I use the word without cringing. I've owned it.

I tend to do a lot of soul-searching, mostly to keep myself in check, making sure my attitudes, motives, and actions are all coming from a "good" place.
During one peek inside my head recently, I asked myself if I was so optimistic and outgoing just to make sure no one placed me into the stereotype of "angry cripple." My immediate reaction to my thoughts was, "Of course not! I'm a happy person!"

Now don't worry, I didn't actually have an audible conversation with myself, although if I did, it probably would not have been the first one...or the last.

I pondered it, and and as I originally thought, I was quite sure that, for the most part, I truly feel optimistic about life, and I really just like being nice to people. No worries about people lumping me in with the "angry cripples." But guess what? I do, more often than you'd think, get lumped into the category of "super-crip" - a stereotype usually perpetuated by other people with disabilities who think of "one of their own" as "Pollyanna-ish" if you're too upbeat and positive. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

We don't have to look far to see stereotyping. Asians are supposed to be smarter than everyone...African-Americans are supposed to like watermelon (I ♥ watermelon) Latin-Americans, Gay men, Lesbian women, Band Geeks, Jocks, Cheerleaders, Democrats, Republicans, Southerners (watch it!), Northerners, Irish people, Jewish people, Blonds, etc...you get the picture. Society has managed to attach a stereotype to pretty much every walk of life.

Stereotypes can put pressure on people to act, or not act, a certain way for fear of being misunderstood. In my humble opinion, none of them are good, not even the so-called "positive" stereotypes because we shouldn't have to try to be anything we're not.
If you want to put someone on a pedestal, or abhor them, fine...but know who they are before you make that decision. Don't do it based on perceived notions. Call me a "super-crip" because I can bench press 125 pounds for 3 sets of 15, or do bicep curls with 20 pound dumb bells. Heck, I even impress myself sometimes! But don't call me one because I smile a lot.

If people don't like someone for who they truly are, that's OK. There are plenty of people who will.

Stepping out of your comfort zone...

2010-06-09T18:19:00.000-07:00

Let's talk about those invisible boundaries we set for ourselves. Why do we have these lines we try to stay within?
Because it feels safe, and for some of the time, that's a good thing. Humans tend to do very well with routines.

But...guess what I've come to realize? (Don't laugh at me if you'd already figured this out by the 5th grade - I'm a late bloomer!)

Almost all of the most amazing opportunities we'll come upon are found outside of our comfort zone. Neat, huh? Scary? OK...for me, the thought of leaving my comfort zone is always daunting, but I do it anyway, fairly often. I do it because I want to live up to my potential, and I found that being comfy didn't cut it in that department. You know what they say, "big risks equal big rewards."

In 2003 my mom died a very sudden and tragic death. I was devastated and slipped into a very dark place. There was a lot of intensely emotional history between us. I seemed to lose my mom over and over again. She walked away from my dad and me when I was 12, but we reconnected when I was an older teenager. Then I had the accident that left me a paraplegic and she just was not emotionally capable at the time to deal with it, so again, I lost her for a while. After I married and had a child though, she really bloomed into a beautiful grandma to my son, and she and I became very close again...the way we'd been when I was very young. So you can probably see why losing her for good, at least in this lifetime, was so difficult for me.

Looking back, I can see how my descent happened, but at the time, it wasn't so clear. I slept too much, ate too much, stayed home too much...and before long, I'd gained 40 pounds and developed high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. When I was sitting in the doctors office and it all hit me, I was mortified. He said I'd have to begin taking medications, but I pleaded with him to give me 6 months...I promised him I would get healthy without pills. He was very skeptical, but reluctantly agreed to give me a chance.

It was time to step outside of my comfort zone.

Being a woman in a wheelchair, the thought of joining a gym was a little overwhelming. I'd done it before in the past, but it was a tiny gym, rarely crowded and I never became a regular. The irony here (is it irony? I'm always a little unsure if I use that term correctly, even after researching it) is that before the accident that left me a paraplegic, I worked as a weight trainer and aerobics instructor for a chain of health clubs popular in the 80's called "Spa Lady."

So, I knew there was a gorgeous new gym in town...strangely enough, I knew because, prior to opening, the director had asked me to test a piece of equipment made specifically for people with mobility impairments. I knew the gym was there and was incredibly universal in design, meaning, it was user-friendly for people of all abilities, yet I was reluctant to join. As confident of a woman as I usually am, being in a gym environment, especially one as popular as this one, made me think about looking out of place...not only was I in a wheelchair, but now I was overweight.

I bit the bullet, and joined. I've been a "regular" ever since. I've lost the 40 pounds and then some, and kept it off. I have perfect blood pressure, perfect blood sugar levels, and awesome muscles! Also, rather than stare at me, most people seemed fascinated in a positive way, asking what happened, or telling me that they've been inspired to keep plucking along, despite being frustrated, when they see me working so hard. I've made some great friends, and even a few lucrative business connections. Best of all, I'm healthy and my doctor was pleasantly surprised. He says it's not very often that people put their money where their mouth is when it comes to matters like this.

Where would I be if I hadn't stepped outside of my comfort zone? I shudder to think about it.

So, if you're contemplating a move like this, go ahead, don't just put your toe over the line, jump in with both feet.

What Can I Do? I Can Laugh...

2010-06-08T16:38:00.000-07:00

I think about this question a lot. What can I do to improve myself? Can't we assume that in the process of bettering ourselves, we not only improve our relationships with others, but even help improve the world, albeit in a tiny way? Think about it -- if everyone did their tiny part, what a wonderful world it would be.

Gandhi said, "As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world...as in being able to remake ourselves."

For women this is important... (not underestimating the importance of men's feelings, but pointing out things as I see them from my personal perspective.) Women tend to be more sensitive to their surroundings than most men, and we tend to be able to orchestrate the mood of our environments. You know the old sayings about 'mom being happy', etc...
It can be a double-edged sword for sure, but when we use our power for good and not evil, life can be sweet.

I did a little experiment recently, and was pleased with the outcome. My husband is a very quick-witted, funny guy. To give you an example, his "About Me" section on his Facebook page reads: "Taking the burden of being correct off of you since 1964" (1964 being the year he was born.) Well, after 13 years of being together, I know he's going to have something funny to say every 2.4 minutes so I don't always laugh out loud. In fact, I realized that a lot of the time I was just kind of nodding my head to acknowledge he'd spoken, then going on about my business.
For my experiment, I made sure to, at the very least, give a little giggle whenever he said something that I truly found funny. Before long, my laughter came easily, not feeling forced or fake. The best part of the experiment was that he genuinely seemed to have a lifted mood as well, maybe even a little more confident. Now when I feel myself slipping back into 'nod-mode' I remind myself how easy it is to laugh, and how it brings a lift to everyone around.

A study done at the University of Maryland (Go Terps!) found that laughter causes the tissue that forms the inner lining of blood vessels, the endothelium, to dilate or expand in order to increase blood flow. The study went on to say that lots of laughter along with an active sense of humor can actually reduce your risk of having a heart attack. They found that people with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh in a variety of situations compared to people of the same age without heart disease! Also, neuroscientists at the University College London concluded that laughter really is contagious: the brain responds to the sound of laughter and preps the muscles in the face to join in the mirth. Imagine that...laughter really is good medicine!

So my conclusion is that my tiny part to try and make the world a better place, at the very least, can be to smile easily and laugh often. Laugh and the world laughs with you!

:)

~Contentment ~

2010-06-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

I have 3 dogs, and feeding time in our home is, to say the least, frenzied. They jump up and down, eagerly awaiting their meals- panting, sniffing, and pushing to be first.
Then something strange happens...as soon as the last of the three bowls are on the floor, they each begin running to see what the others have been fed, and try to steal a bite from a dish other than their own. The biggest of the 3 is the worst. He'll literally spend hours guarding his meal without savoring a single bite, all the while waiting for a chance to steal a bite from his sisters.

Have you ever known anyone of the human variety like this? Have you ever seen this quality in yourself? Of course I'm not talking about stealing food from other peoples plates...but wanting what others have instead of being content with what you've already been blessed with.

Far too often these days, the pursuit of happiness is interchanged with the pursuit of things. What so many never seem to grasp is that the feeling you get from attaining material possessions is temporary at best, and often leads to a destructive cycle of overspending, feelings of guilt, and even depression. Personal credit card debt in the US has more than doubled since 2004, and personal bankruptcies are at the highest rates ever- all while the median American family has less than $10,000.00 in assets. Not surprisingly, more than 21 million in this country suffer with clinical depression.
Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States, and 3rd among individuals 15-24. I find this confounding, and incredibly sad that in a country where we have so much, there are so many people feeling empty enough to take their own lives.

I believe that one of the first, and most important steps in taking control of your destiny is to grasp the truth that until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have.
And on that note, I'll close with a quote from the ancient Greek philosopher, Epicurus: "Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

Change "survive" to "THRIVE"

2010-06-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in yesterdays post that once we enter into the realm of thankfulness, we'll begin to see opportunities where we once saw only obstacles. Let's elaborate on that thought for today's post.

Take a look at the world outside, and sadly you'll begin to see that many people are walking around, day to day, in survival mode. They're basically going through the motions...just -existing. Considering the fleeting nature of life, it's a shame that we can so easily get trapped in such a wasteful loop.
Too often we get hung up over the things we perceive as obstacles, keeping us from doing what we really want to in life, so instead of trying, we settle in defeat. This is where we can slip from living to existing.

When I feel like I'm at a stumbling block in the road, I envision it instead as a vaulting board or a trampoline. Often in life we're confronted with several stumbling blocks at once. Why not look at them as stepping stones instead? Consider the obstacle and brainstorm over how you can use it as a jumping point. For example, I'd been wanting to start a non-profit organization to help people with disabilities pursue physically active lifestyles through adaptive sports and recreation, but the process overwhelmed me whenever I seriously considered it, so I did nothing. Then I had a bad car accident and figured that since I was stuck at home anyway, I might as well get busy on it, and the first steps (the most difficult) were taken, and we're now on our way to establishing what was once just a dream. I turned an obstacle into an opportunity, and the possible long-reaching effects have great potential.

Louis Pasteur said, "Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity." In other words, make a decision now to not be a quitter. Don't give up, don't give in. Persevere!

So much of what happens in our lives is a direct result of the decisions we make. If you're walking down a path and come to a huge boulder blocking the way, instead of turning back, be the one who learns to rock climb! It's taking that extra step when the road gets rough that can move you from surviving to THRIVING.

Be Thankful...It Increases Your Brain Power!

2010-06-03T13:32:00.001-07:00

G. K. Chesterton wrote: "I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder."

Way back when Oprah was promoting keeping a "gratitude journal" I jumped on board. If you're a friend of mine, then you know that I make lists constantly, and have stacks of filled up notebooks and journals to prove it. This was another excuse to have a nice, fresh, clean journal- its blank pages inviting a pen to show it some love.
Seriously, is it just me, or is there something exciting and hopeful about blank paper in front of you? It's probably just me. I'm kind of a nerdy dork that way, but I can honestly say that listing the things I'm thankful for on a daily basis has not only increased my awareness but my happiness. How can you be anything but happy when you're focusing on all the many things in your life that you appreciate? Thanks brings well-being to your day... and it helps release the "feel good" hormone, serotonin. By being grateful, you can not only have a better outlook each day, but boost your brainpower, too.

Over the years I've encouraged friends and family members, even my son, to keep a gratitude journal. I strongly believe in the power of being appreciative for the little (and big) things in life. If you're reading this while living in the United States, then even those in the worst of financial circumstances are better off than so many around the world. So there already is something to be thankful for.

I challenge you to begin a gratitude journal and can guarantee that if you approach it sincerely, and with an open heart, you'll be surprised at how much you have to be thankful for that would typically have been overlooked. A good start is to list 5 things you're thankful for today. Even things as tiny as a smile from someone in line at the grocery store, since there's nothing too great or too small to appreciate.

Before long, you'll begin to see things in a new slant. Instead of grumbling that roses have thorns, you'll be thankful that thorns have roses. You'll start seeing where obstacles offer opportunities, and that positive energy attracts more positive energy.
For those who are really motivated, try a 5/5 formula for your journal. Five things you're grateful for, and five things you'd like to invite into your life.

I'll close with words from Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C. : "Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die, so let us all be thankful."

Showing Now -- "Life" - Starring YOU!

2010-06-02T14:51:00.000-07:00

Someone very near & dear to me used to always say "When I win the lottery..." followed by a flowery picture of how life would be so much better with a few million in the bank.
I'm sure that having plenty of money would make some aspects of life effortless, but then again, from my experience it seems a lot of people live a breath beyond their means no matter how big their bank accounts are. Sure, you may be more comfy in a mansion with a yacht moored in the boat slip than having a rowboat sitting in the grass outside of your trailer, but the bills still come due once a month.
I'm making an assumption here because I'm a woman of moderate means, but it seems the worries would get larger as the bills do.

Something I'm quite the expert at however, is thinking I will achieve some higher level of consciousness once I lose 10 more pounds. I've had to fight with myself FOREVER to get past that warped way of thinking, and still have to remind myself from time to time to stop obsessing.

What I really want to wrap my arms and head around and never let go of, is that LIFE IS NOW. Life does not wait for those last 10 pounds to come off. It does not wait for one to win the lottery, marry "up", or get that promotion at work.
Author Lou Erickson said it perfectly - "Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still."

Every day we should take a moment to remind ourselves, maybe even write it out on a piece of paper and stick it somewhere we pass by regularly, "LIFE IS NOW", so we don't get stuck in the taxi on the road to nowhere.'

Carpe Diem~

The Importance of Touchstones

2010-06-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

Everyone has touchstones in their lives, by which they measure the authenticity or worthiness of new ideas, values, relationships, etc...

They can be abstract, or tangible. I refer to my sister, Diane, as my "touchstone" all the time. She has been, throughout my life, a safe haven, an anchor to keep me grounded, as well as a moral compass to whom I feel accountability, somehow without ever feeling convicted.
When I met my husband, I realized he'd become all of these things to me as well, and I felt a peace about marrying him and spending the rest of our lives together. I used my tried & true touchstone (my sister) to measure the authenticity of my relationship to my husband...and guess what? Thirteen years later my husband and I are still going strong, more in love than ever.

Life can become so overwhelming that it's easy to lose our way, and we may not always have a firm idea of what it is, exactly, we believe, how we should behave, and how our actions impact others.
Sometimes it's a good idea to ask yourself what, or who your touchstones are. Try to recall a time when you felt at complete peace, or on top of the world, then ask yourself what precluded that feeling. Who do you feel comfortable sharing your dreams with? Answering this may move your closer to finding your own personal touchstones, and offer a safe haven for you to refuel and refresh.

Pruning toxic relationships

2010-05-31T08:36:00.000-07:00

For me personally, cutting ties from relationships that are one-sided and draining is strangely difficult. I'm a nurturer by nature, and I tend to want to "fix" everything and everyone. If I come across a flea-infested, three-legged dog who bites, rest assured I'll end up having to flea-bomb my house and get a tetanus shot. Same thing with people, the more dysfunctional they are, the more drawn to me they seem to be --or is it me drawn to them? Haven't figured that part out yet. I have my own homeless guy. When I see him, I say to my husband, "pull over, it's my homeless guy!" I hand him a little money, ask him if he needs something to eat, how he's doing, etc...he's always incredibly thankful and kind. He doesn't want to go to a shelter, he's a nomadic sort of man who seems to survive, if not thrive, on the fringes of society, but something about him draws me in every time I see him...I want to bring him home and prepare him a meal, make him take a bath, put on clean clothes, and comb his hair, then I'd fix up a soft, fluffy bed on the couch and pop in a DVD for him to watch.
Alternately, there's another homeless person in our city we call "Dan Dan the homeless man." He's a little on the mean side...enough for me to know to 'mostly' keep my distance. I once saw him sitting just inside a clump of shrubs on the side of a convenience store parking lot, so I got my husband to "accidentally" dropped a $20 bill while COUGHING loudly enough to get his attention. While we were driving away, we saw him emerge from the bushes and snatch the bill. I was warmed a little inside. Not too long after that, he showed up at the Humane Society where I was volunteering, and began throwing old pizza over the kennel fence, shouting that we were killing the dogs with the dog food. He was enraged and police had to be called, and I was told by an officer friend, in no uncertain terms, that Dan Dan was dangerous. I've completely avoided him from then on, but I did notice he'd befriended a dog. Maybe he's just not a people person.

Why, then, with my more personal acquaintances, can I not just walk away when I see that they're energy vampires? One of my goals for this summer is to not only keep my garden pruned of weeds, but my life pruned of toxic relationships.
As I began to cultivate this plan for a weed-free life, I questioned my own ability to be a good friend. Was I being cold by contemplating writing off people who may consider me a friend? Is it right to just begin cutting people out of our lives? How did I decide who should stay and who should go? Surely something so delicate should not just be based on a mood, which in me, changes more frequently than I care to admit. So I figured I would use the wise words of Ralph Waldo Emerson - "A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud." as a means of whether someone was truly my "friend" or not.
When I began going through the list in my head of people I was questionable about, it became clear that I really already knew...but I mentally put each to the test anyway, just to be fair.
If you can't speak openly and honestly with someone, sharing how you truly feel, they're probably just an acquaintance, not a friend. Of course I don't mean that because you can't tell your BFF that she looks fat in those pink capri pants, you should cut ties. Honesty and tact should always go hand in hand, in my humble opinion. Yet when it comes to genuine feelings, opinions, thoughts, etc... I mean the substantive meat of who we are, how we feel and think...those deep topics that, sure, can promote heated debates, but not change the love and respect that true friends feel for one another. If someone is offended by who I am on the inside then I don't want them as a friend, and vice versa.
Hanging onto unhealthy relationships is draining and promotes negativity in our lives, and life is too short, sweet, and precious for that.

The Power of Predicaments

2010-05-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

Obviously, we love it when life is surrounding us with flowers and rainbows, but the reality is that crises will come, and usually at the most inopportune times (as if there's ever really an 'opportune' time for crises.) To tell ourselves to 'be prepared' for the rough-and-tumble ride Life occasionally places us on, is kind of unrealistic. Sure, it might work concerning financial dry spells; saving for a rainy day and all that, but serious problems often seem to jump out at us like a street mugger, catching us completely off guard. How does one prepare for something they never see coming, like an accident, serious injury or illness, loss of a loved one, etc...? While we can't prepare specifically for unforeseen events, we can learn to ride the waves of rough seas rather than pointlessly fighting against rip tides.
First and foremost when you find yourself in an overwhelming situation, breathe... sometimes bad things can suck the air right out of us, and it's important to stop, take a deep breath, pray, meditate, or whatever it is that helps you find that inner calm, even if that calm is momentary, it's a moment to gather yourself and realize you just made it through a difficult time - the realization of a big problem or out of control situation.
Don't assume the worst...and seriously, look back over your life, and if you're like the average person, I bet you'll be able to recall at least a few incredibly trying times, and guess what, if you're doing that, it means you made it through...yay for you! So assume you will make it through this one as well. Do your best to realistically handle your predicaments a step at a time, and not get bogged down in focusing on worst-case scenarios that can end up shutting you down.
With each difficult obstacle we overcome, we can build a sort of resume of our ability to withstand hardship. Like all good professionals, build on that resume, and remember that it's there, holding you up with your credentials.
Have you ever known a really good guitarist? Chances are he or she will tell you that when they were learning to play, their fingers got sore and raw, but that as they persevered, a callous replaced the once tender skin, toughening it up, making it easier for them to make beautiful music.
You can make it through most of what life throws your way, and come out stronger.

Where I am now...

2010-05-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

On March 15 I was about to drive home from the gym, like I'd done so many times, but you know how every now and then you get a weird feeling, but you just can't put your finger on why you have a weird feeling? That was happening with me, so much so that before I started my car, I called my husband to tell him how much I loved him and how I couldn't wait to see him when I got home. This is really not so strange as we're a pretty 'lovey-dovey' couple, but I had some sense of urgency to get home this day.
Our neighborhood is right off of a major highway in the Myrtle Beach area, so I often end up sitting at a red light about 200 yards from my house, and then if I'm lucky, I get a green arrow so I can go before the other side can...and this is what happened that day. Sometimes, we get so accustomed to things and make assumptions based on past experiences; one of them for me was assuming I could safely "go" on a green arrow and no one from the opposite side would be texting, not paying attention while driving, run a red light, and crash into me.
Needless to say, it sucked to be me on March 15, 2010. It was surreal to say the least. I never lost consciousness and at first, I didn't understand what was happening. I just knew that I had shifted into some alternate universe where blurs of black, white, and gray flashed in front of me and horrible sounds were stabbing my ears. Then I got it...I'd been hit and was spinning and then finally, I came to a crashing halt, and the real world grabbed me by the throat and slammed me back into reality...hard. Hissing, smoke, an air bag in my face, my heart racing...I grabbed for my door, but it was wedged closed and wouldn't budge. I felt panic rising when thankfully - there was a voice, and I saw a man bracing his foot against the side of my car and yanking the door open.
Don't try this at home, but he picked me up out of the car and laid me on the grass. (You shouldn't move an accident victim in case there's neck or back injuries that could lead to spinal cord damage...but because of the smoke, we both thought my car might catch fire.)
I'll cut to the chase - shattered femur, lacerated liver and kidney with internal bleeding requiring 2 blood transfusions, 2 fractured transverse processes (never knew what those were before) and a myriad of bumps, bruises, and scrapes.
Petey (my PT Cruiser) did not survive the accident. He was totaled and is probably in junkyard heaven as I type this.
I realize people are in car accidents all the time, but this threw me for a serious loop and tested my strength in a huge way.
Time travel back for a sec with me to 1987 -- a hot August night and I'm on the back of a motorcycle that my then boyfriend was driving when he hit a curve going a little too fast, ///alternate universe, blur blur, slam/// ...and then waking up in a trauma unit to a voice saying, "You've suffered a spinal cord injury."
I've been a paraplegic even since. BUT...I've been the best darn paraplegic I could have been...active, productive, 'do everything but walk' kind of paraplegic, super healthy, the kind of healthy where for 23 years the only time I was hospitalized was in 1991 to give birth to my son.
I guess I thought the first accident in 1987 was in some way enough for one lifetime and that surely the powers that be wouldn't let something like this happen to me again.
Unfortunately, we're not guaranteed an easy life. Bad things will happen, even if you feel as though your 'bad stuff' quota has already been filled. 'The sweet is never as sweet without the bitter.' What's important...what makes these instances 'make or break' experiences is how we deal with them.
I learned a long time ago that whether I was happy or sad, upbeat or downtrodden, I was still going to be in a wheelchair...so what's the logical conclusion? Might just as well make the best of it, right? Right!
There's so much more to say and share, but I think I'll break here.

In the beginning (that felt like the end...)

2010-05-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

There was a time in my life when I uttered the words, "I don't think I can make it through this." At that moment, I absolutely meant it. The future that lay before me was daunting, especially considering I had no strong foundation in my past with which to rest upon...

This is the beginning of my story, which occurred at a time in my life that I believed was the end. It's been a long haul, and looking in my rear-view mirror, I'm amazed at some of the rough roads I've navigated. I believe we all have a wellspring of strength in us, it may be buried deeper in some than in others, but nevertheless, it's there, and not so difficult to tap once you've found it.